Trying to be Whole

There’s a hollow in my soul

that came when I lost you,

and though I’ve covered up the space

I can’t seem to fill it up.

The pain and hurts of yesterday

are well within my grasp.

My mind can’t seem to let them go

so I can fill that gap.

The emptiness within my core

is often palpable

and demons of “not good enough”

invade my heart and soul.

My words don’t often speak of

what I really need to hear;

nor do they tell of what I feel

inside this hollow core…

for doing so would only show

my insecurities

and let you know that deep inside

I’m not completely whole.

So when I seek

your warm embrace--

the hollow of your arms,

Please know…I’m only trying to be whole.

When I seem to cling to you

and don’t want to leave your side…

It’s not that I am needy, really,

I’m just trying to feel whole.

And when I reach to take your hand,

or ask if you love me…

It’s just my way of asking you

to help me to feel whole.

I know that your affection

is not the way to fill the hole,

and healing of this hollow spot

must come from deep within.

Alone I cannot fix the ache

so on bended knee I bow-

while my trembling tongue implores,

“Please, Father, make me whole!”