The Broken Dream of the Unloved One


It hurt me so, even though I may not have let it show;
the words you said, echoed in my head;
again and again, I give up, you win, I am dead…
Or do you now? I can’t really see how,
that anyone can, when all they see and know is
“I am!” “I am!”

Not every gesture, smile, or frown
is meant for you, to put you down.
You misinterpret so much it seems,
while at the same time,
you tear down my hopes, my dreams.

I only want to make you secure and happy,
but the more I nurture, help, and do for you,
the more you push away my love,
and take for granted, as a hand does a glove;
my love and attention, my caring, and praise,
have all led to your ego,
out of control now these days.

It seems I can’t please you, in word, task, or deed;
now that you’ve grown in confidence and pride,
it is me you no longer need,
to be by your side,
and walk hand in hand;
it is me you’ve discarded,
like the sky, wind, and land.

You’ve told me as much, and it’s ever so clear;
in your heart, I am no longer held precious and dear.
You don’t love me you say; you’ve fallen out of our love;
but I keep on believing,
because I thought our love was created above.

It is hard for me to perceive, that sentence you speak,
that you don’t want to be with me;
again, you said it this week.
Am I not supposed to feel, to hurt, or to cry?
When you tell me these things,
it just makes me want to die.


But my deep inner strength, I must pull from within.
It is time to be strong, and face the world,
alone, once again.

What has been proven to me,
I unwillingly receive,
is that no one can love me, that is what I believe.
No one can make me feel wanted, unless it serves them;
and my soul is still haunted, deep down from within.

By demons, and ghosts, and skeletons of the past;
the gaunt news of the unloved, and painful cruelty will last.
It jumps up to ensnare me,
just as I thought I had made it at last;
it seems it is no longer just an act of the past.

Is there anyone ever who I can give to and love?
Unselfishly and totally, without them taking it all,
using my love and wisdom, my nurturing and praise,
to build themselves stronger,
to gain their virtue, wisdom, and days?

To once again only, let me down;
their actions and words all becomes noise,
and my head and hopes
sink even more deeper, down in poise.

The noise of my head, banging wildly inside clattering,
while all my thoughts of love and happiness,
trust and loyalty, care and longevity,
come to a cold, hard, battering.

My heart keeps breaking;
how much more can I stand?
Why is it so difficult, for me to love me
a “true man”?

One who is not threatened,
by my strength, nor my brain;
one who can love me,
and great togetherness we can attain.

One who can love me, and himself at the same time;
who does not compete with his partner of time;
one who makes more than something of nothing,
and nothing of something.
One who can take my strength, and me,
my wisdom, and love, to mean more to him than all
of the white feathers of a dove, and every other love?

One who knows what I am wishing, and hoping for now,
is only to spend our time together,
supporting one another, in work and in rest,
until we no longer will be challenged by conquest.

To relish the closeness, and knowing of each other,
closer than ever, like children, like brother.
To not be threatened, or childish of mind;
to let all our love for each other still shine.

Is it possible Lord, that one such as me,
could ever be loved, really loved, totally?
I think not, and now, I true nearly know,
that one unloved such as me, their life is only for show.
To be an example for others to live;
showing them, teaching them, how to unselfishly give;
of themselves, of their time, of the life they are given,
so others through them, will be able to shine,
and not be hidden.

It is my current task, to be in the shadows,
and embrace the darkness of heart;
to smile on the outside, and hide on the inside,
whatever hallows lie waiting,
within, to start.

My heart is only for loving, and outwardly giving.
There is no room for me to be accepted and loved;
no hope for a future with my only true love.

Why hast thou forsaken
my one and only true wish?
Am I so damn unlovely,
I cannot hold one’s heart,
in my own inner self, in whom,
the sum of my parts, become his very whole?

Am I meant to be taken, used, and discarded,
by first one, another, and still many?
Then left, abandoned, tossed aside, retarded,
as if I never ever mattered, no not to any,
just like dollars de-value into pennies?