My heart is coughing cold, black coal
spewing forth my foul, fickle soul.
Dreams have shattered into dust
and love is nothing than ancient rust.

Pain is all that my mind can now feel
I don’t care if that means that I am real.
Take it away God, leave me to myself
let me wander in this self-inflicted hell.

This is the life that I created...can’t you see
that I’ve assured no one could ever love me.
For if they do, a dark curse shall fall upon
their own lives and make them gone.

My heart is frail, jagged and unclean
what broken hearts my heart has seen.
It finally trusted, woe my foolish heart
and has chased me back into this art.

Back to my poetry, I retreat with a pen
expelling the ghosts of previous "him"
explaining a life that only I ever knew
reaping a harvest that should never grew.

Alone, alone...foolish me, that’s all I’ll pronounce
because, true love, no one else should announce
My ears are waiting no more for those words.
Silly girl...stupid bitch...your hopes are absurd.

There is no love...parents should explain
what drives two people to ever remain
committed to each other until the very end...
Divorce, adultery...there’s too many bends.

There is no "true " true course to go.
Instead, we’re all on this trashy talk show
whooping up our lives to be drama at its best.
I want off this stage and out of this contest.

Leave me alone world, I hate that I can feel.
I want to become numb, or for the earth to conceal
that I had once lived and tried to cherish the days
before I had come to wish them all away.

I wish I knew what was wrong, why now...
God refuses to tell me why nor how
such a good little heart becomes black with rot.
I guess that I’m a soul mate best forgot.

©September 24, 2005 Lori S. Maynard