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We Are Who We Aren't 11/20/2016 10:21:27 AM
Our lives never turn out who we envisioned them to be as children. Who have you become? We Are Who We Aren’t
From the moment we are old enough to use our imagination and dream the dreams of future what-ifs, we plan our lives. We create this person in our head and each day following through our childhood, our teens, into early adulthood, we follow a path to become the version of us we created in our minds. How many times had adults asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up?
We strive to follow that path we created for ourselves. We take certain classes in high school and either follow that path into college or right into the workforce. We’re all chasing the better version of our adult selves we had envisioned while watching Saturday morning cartoons and coloring within the lines of our coloring books.
I never had big plans for my life. I had never seen myself as a doctor, lawyer or any greater good to the community. There are memories from my childhood that involve me wanting to become a firefighter or an animal vet. A big heart beat within my chest and I wanted to help people.
But, I want to stop the reflection here. I don’t want this to be about me. This thought is about all of us.
I know that if you had told me during the summer of 2015 that I would no longer be able to work and barely able to do basic household chores, I would have laughed at you. That isn’t the version of myself that I had ever imagined. Who would? I had a great job. I had a big house. I helped so many people who were struggling and thought that I would work in my current job for years and keep bettering myself and learning more skills and more ins and outs of where I worked and be a valuable employee. The thing is, I only began to identify myself as an employee in life. My employer was my identity. So what happened when that was all taken away?
I am a person, or a version of a person, I never envisioned for myself. But the key words: I AM.
I am still me. I exist as a version never imagined. Never wanted.
I lost how I identified myself. I no longer got up every day to drive into another city and dedicate hours of my life to a business. When that identity slipped away, the days of the week began to matter less and less. Purpose slipped away from me. Friends slipped away from me.
Yet, my story is not unique. It’s not special nor any more tragic than the next guy’s story. It’s actually pretty common. We beat ourselves up over it though. We grieve the version of ourselves that never came to be. We hold on to regret as though a warm blanket on a cold, winter night. We shut the world out and begin to loathe all that was once normal to us.
We become who we never were.
We become stronger when we are broken.
We become wiser when we area humbled.
We become braver when we are frightened.
We become us in every broken piece of our heart.
No matter what...no matter what dreams you dreamed as a child, you are still you. You never failed. You simply adapted. You followed a new path with the old was suddenly destroyed by a great disaster. I know that you may feel sadness. Please don’t. If you are still reading this, then you know what strength you hold within. You may be looking at your life and seeing where paths might have changed and how you are different than your dreamed up childhood version of yourself.
So, be who you aren’t. Re-imagine your life. Seek new dreams that fit with the new you. Never give up on that path. We all must adapt to change.
Never give up on life as life never gives up on us....just shakes us up a bit and watches us like a panicked snow globe.
I am me. I am Lori.
There were dreams of working in electrical engineering. I wanted to build things. I wanted to be successful in the sense we were taught to measure success.
I am Lori.
I have an incurable illness that will one day take my life. The most basic things, even as basic as driving a car, wears me out and short of breath. I’m unable to work and lie in bed most days and nights. But, in this new version of myself, I’ve helped others through my experience. I’ve made and lost friends. I am a daughter, sister and aunt. This new me isn’t a disappointment. Just a detour as I learn to be who I never dreamed to be.
