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Blogs by Lori S. Maynard
The wind is strong 3/13/2006 1:31:34 PM
The wind is strong outside...storms have moved through and more are lingering on the horizon. It's going to be a rough night.
What has really changed in my life the past couple of weeks?
Well, it's as though the storms that are now moving across the fields have moved across my life...destroying some things, moving others and providing that hope that always seems to linger after each rain.
I'm still saddened over events that had hurt me at Christmas. The pain is nearly gone but I'm left with nothing. I really feel nothing in my heart. I keep trying to look inside of it and asking it if it would ever let someone in again, but it's locked up and silent.
I've turned to poetry to purge a lot of what I cannot express and that's been doing well.
Friends are never a bad thing to pick up along the way and I've picked up one of those. I'm at a valley in life right now. Sort of like a runaway roller coaster....right now, the cars are rocking back and forth between two hills. Right now, there is just no predicting which hill the cars will finally climb, or if they will eventually come to a pause in between.
At work, I was given more responsibilities. The first month, I was stressed to no end. But...hey...that's finally coming under control. I can't be weak forever, and it's best to settle whatever drama arises in life. I do not care for having drama and I hate for people to put me through them.
I guess that final thought brings me back to that ongoing human search. We're all looking for that "other half" that seems to complete us in some way. Perhaps my bitterness is just going to leave me blind to that search. Sometimes I wonder what the point is anyway... All people care to do is to play games with you. I hate that!!!! I'm not a $&*#)$. puppet, so don't make me act like one...or else, I'll make sure that I'm a wooden marrionette and give you a splinter. I hate game players with a passion. I've always been honest with people and it only provided hurt in the long run.
World, if you had good advice, I'd say for you to keep it to yourself. We all think that things happen for a reason and that all will eventually get better...but is that right? I do not know what to do with my life right now and NO it's not because I have no one to share anything with. It's that I feel that I've really done nothing with myself. I wish, so much, to do more than what I have but I feel stuck.
I do not care if I'm forgotten so long as one person can remember that I existed.
That storm wind is still shaking my house as though trying to break inside. I know that this will pass and that the winds will eventually return warm, summer sunshine. So, I'm trying to maintain that faith and believe that maybe I've already lived through enough evil...I've been allowed to exit hell.
I wonder how many exist out there like me...empty shells of people...dreams never spoken, emotions never cried and hearts that could chill a marble statue.
