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Phyllis Jean Green

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Member Since: Jun, 2002

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Note to Self -- Forget Getting it Right
by Phyllis Jean Green → (All Poetry by Phyllis Jean Green)
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Previous poem was too long and sounded more cynical than intended. Probably should be ashamed of subjecting you to another version, but the feedback you provide helps me think. Can't always sort things out {duh?}, but...yata ya--. . .sorry. Thanks for being here. . .for giving me another chance!

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Imagine a creature fortunate enough
to possess unique tools that work,
of all things, by opposing. Now add
to the thumbs a cortex capable
of connections guaranteed to best
the most diabolical hacker’s machinations
and a speech-ready mandible and larynx.
Give said creature an instinct for making
the best of light. Left-right brain switch hits
while the creature forms. To give it a sense
of wonder, see it begins at the very beginning.
Ten fingers, ten toes, the halos soon to be
faces, all are firsts. A voice, a rattle, a hum,
a screech. Squeak of a crib, chitter of a bird,
subsonic shifts of an eyeballing cat,
scratch of a branch tiptoeing on glass. Cry
the womb muffled months. Smell
of milk, be it mother’s, soy, or water
and a bitter tasting prayer, barely gasped.
All is innocence: of sadness, of joy,
of fear, of the shape and heft of ball
or bottle. Hunger rages; but rage waits
for innocence to pose the wrong question.
Happens as fast as the cut of a chord
or the flesh that swaddles a penis. First
pain physical. Memory pretty much lets it
go. It is the other kind that throws..
Got blood to stanch, edges to tuck, got
to mop and measure for a makeshift shroud.
Sew, dress, lug, dig, bury. Then the soil
crumbles over a simple offhand remark
or slant of a brow. Foul bits of anger,
confusion and grief are spraying like mad..
Ton of muck mostly guilt and regret
that can jinx if not treated. Rebury
with care. Accept new and old and keep
wonder fresh. Most leftovers are safe to
wrap in the colorful tissue known as verse.
Prop with flowers, notes, and bears
been left to show care. Best
creature comfort, right there.


       (c) Phyllis Jean Green, May, 2007


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 Reviews of "Note to Self -- Forget Getting it Right"
Reviewed by Ron (sketchman) Axelson (Reader)
Reviewed on May 7, 2007
Superb................

Reviewed by Morning Star
Reviewed on May 6, 2007
Wow love the flow and it grabs the reader
From beginning to end beautiful
Poetic thoughts on human existence!!
Very thought provoking write my friend
Love And Peace to you always..Morning Star

Reviewed by Joyce Bowling
Reviewed on May 6, 2007
Great write my friend...enjoyed your thoughts as always, thought provoking and poignant indeed!
Blessings,
Joyce Bowling

Reviewed by Barbara Mercer
Reviewed on May 6, 2007
Seems you have covered every possible angle, a full round view, complex and fascinating. Excellent writing, thank you.

Reviewed by H Cruz
Reviewed on May 5, 2007
Well then, times up. Next patient please... :)

Reviewed by Chantilly Lace (Reader)
Reviewed on May 5, 2007
Excellent write...Hugs

Reviewed by SHERRY HEIM
Reviewed on May 5, 2007
I missed the first draft, Pea, but this one has flow as well as it grabs the reader and holds us through the end. I always love your perspective on things, sometimes straight as an arrow, other times a bit askew, and often a mix of the two, but always penned with the ability for others to relate. EXCELLENT!!
Take care,
Sherry

Reviewed on May 5, 2007
Excellent poem, Pea; well done! BRAVA, my (((friend)))!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :D

Reviewed by Nicky Goodman
Reviewed on May 5, 2007
Yep -i think you said it all - what a fantasitc, enaging, real poem! Wholesome to read -thank you, Nicky x

Reviewed by Felix Perry
Reviewed on May 5, 2007
Exceptional write, I may have missed the first version with my PC crash but this one is wonderful look at life from birth as it should be and the miracle of the human existance. Well done.

Fee

Reviewed by Karen Vanderlaan
Reviewed on May 5, 2007
I think that this work is like a miniature piece of a memoir of sorts-like history all squeezed together and wrapped up--that is how it reads to me and i find it rather intriquing

Reviewed on May 5, 2007
(((Pea))),

I loved it before; how can you enhance perfection? Yeah, I know: it's a writer's perogative to write, rewrite...and rewrite again, until we get it right. Forgeddabouddit. You done good here, my (((friend))). BRAVA! I love the lines you use, the imagery...thought provoking excellence!

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.


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