Previous poem was too long and sounded more cynical than intended. Probably should be ashamed of subjecting you to another version, but the feedback you provide helps me think. Can't always sort things out {duh?}, but...yata ya--. . .sorry. Thanks for being here. . .for giving me another chance!
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Imagine a creature fortunate enough to possess unique tools that work, of all things, by opposing. Now add to the thumbs a cortex capable of connections guaranteed to best the most diabolical hacker’s machinations and a speech-ready mandible and larynx. Give said creature an instinct for making the best of light. Left-right brain switch hits while the creature forms. To give it a sense of wonder, see it begins at the very beginning. Ten fingers, ten toes, the halos soon to be faces, all are firsts. A voice, a rattle, a hum, a screech. Squeak of a crib, chitter of a bird, subsonic shifts of an eyeballing cat, scratch of a branch tiptoeing on glass. Cry the womb muffled months. Smell of milk, be it mother’s, soy, or water and a bitter tasting prayer, barely gasped. All is innocence: of sadness, of joy, of fear, of the shape and heft of ball or bottle. Hunger rages; but rage waits for innocence to pose the wrong question. Happens as fast as the cut of a chord or the flesh that swaddles a penis. First pain physical. Memory pretty much lets it go. It is the other kind that throws.. Got blood to stanch, edges to tuck, got to mop and measure for a makeshift shroud. Sew, dress, lug, dig, bury. Then the soil crumbles over a simple offhand remark or slant of a brow. Foul bits of anger, confusion and grief are spraying like mad.. Ton of muck mostly guilt and regret that can jinx if not treated. Rebury with care. Accept new and old and keep wonder fresh. Most leftovers are safe to wrap in the colorful tissue known as verse. Prop with flowers, notes, and bears been left to show care. Best creature comfort, right there.
(c) Phyllis Jean Green, May, 2007
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Reviews of "Note to Self -- Forget Getting it Right"
Wow love the flow and it grabs the reader
From beginning to end beautiful
Poetic thoughts on human existence!!
Very thought provoking write my friend
Love And Peace to you always..Morning Star
I missed the first draft, Pea, but this one has flow as well as it grabs the reader and holds us through the end. I always love your perspective on things, sometimes straight as an arrow, other times a bit askew, and often a mix of the two, but always penned with the ability for others to relate. EXCELLENT!!
Take care,
Sherry
Exceptional write, I may have missed the first version with my PC crash but this one is wonderful look at life from birth as it should be and the miracle of the human existance. Well done.
I think that this work is like a miniature piece of a memoir of sorts-like history all squeezed together and wrapped up--that is how it reads to me and i find it rather intriquing
I loved it before; how can you enhance perfection? Yeah, I know: it's a writer's perogative to write, rewrite...and rewrite again, until we get it right. Forgeddabouddit. You done good here, my (((friend))). BRAVA! I love the lines you use, the imagery...thought provoking excellence!
From beginning to end beautiful
Poetic thoughts on human existence!!
Very thought provoking write my friend
Love And Peace to you always..Morning Star
Blessings,
Joyce Bowling
Take care,
Sherry
(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :D
Fee
I loved it before; how can you enhance perfection? Yeah, I know: it's a writer's perogative to write, rewrite...and rewrite again, until we get it right. Forgeddabouddit. You done good here, my (((friend))). BRAVA! I love the lines you use, the imagery...thought provoking excellence!
(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.