My brother {known as a child as Bunny. . .& he will always be Bunny to me} took his own life. He was 38 years old. Been decades, but the amount of time doesn't really matter, does it.
Always troubled, Bunny accomplished great things. Became a psychologist and taught at a highly respected college. There were long waiting lines to get in his classes. All this after surviving a suicidal depression years earlier. I am so proud of him. He was funny, smart, and talented -- wrote
beautifully and no one drew better
caricatures -- at over six feet remained my little brother. Should have explained when I posted the poem, but to tell you the truth, it is hard to talk about. Always will be.
Love and Peace of Mind and Heart, 'Pea'
Bro
No number of brothers makes one less precious.
Losing one rips out your heart and replaces
it with what could be a tear-smeared Post-it
stuck to a lump of lead. Time will come
when you will take comfort in his living
in heart and mind. One day. But for what
feels forever, you concoct scenarios
where you wake and discover he's playing
you. Gotcha! Rat snorts. Joke, dummy!
Side-flickering Huck Finn grin. Saunters
to the fridge, slugs milk from the carton.
Lets it run down the midnight shadow
on your chin and onto a tee that could stand
by itself. Ain' goin' nowhere! Got that?
Belch as exclamation point. Still laughing
when reality hits. If you had just the one --
no one else, no one but each other --
especially if you spent your childhood
huddled together, praying a parental mine
was not about to explode -- or if it had,
you'd find a way to patch each other up. . .
if only the two of you knew, not saying
the loss is greater. The love. Only know
a razor cut to the bone and kept going.
Guilt rubbed extra salt. Acid anger gnawed
over your desertion. My letting mother
stripe your little-boy back and little-boy
legs, all knobs, bike bumps and skeeter
bites, with blood. Anger at our father for not
being there when he was. For no do-over.
Left alone, you ran. Me, I hid my own way.
You, the little brother who took off, leaving
me to Her. I the big sister who failed to
watch over. Bicker, did we? Sulk? Hear
us now. Give it back! Now! Leave me
alone! Cut the candy so you'll get more. AL-
ways. . .liar! Liar!! Get out and don't come
back! So? We laughed until we cried!
Air-guitar-accompanied duets shook that
clunker you paid some farmer fi'ty for.
Man had hauled pigs -- pfew! Clutch
wired with a 'minna-bucket han'le.' By
then, we were not able to get together
much. Before Death, Life parted. So
sad. But we had our moments, didn't we.
See you now, chin clabbered with half-sour
milk. . .sassing Huck-Finn. No belching!
Oh, go ahead. I will join you. Can't
compete, but. . .quit rubbing it in. . .Bro??
memories still crystal clear in your head of this personal experience...there are many perceptions to suicide, some believe it is pre-planned and intended to be a catalyst for those left in its wake, as life courses, emotions, etc are changed afterwards...others believe depression is a self wake up call to find the real self soul underneath all that "pretend" world..i.e. our names, jobs, relationships, etc...I guess in the end we'll all have those answers and speculations perhaps is just comfort to continue to exist ourselves...hugs dear lady...this was a tuff one to experience
This is so sad. Such a fine tribute to a brother who left you very prematurely. Such pain you have carried. A burden I'm not sure I could bare. An excellent tribute to your love, Pea. God Bless you. brilliant write. Liz
Phyllis I am so sorry that you had to endure such a tragedy as this and even though time has lapsed I know memories and emotional ties remain always. I send you hugs from across the internet sea and just know your brother loved you to. God bless.....
I am so sorry for your loss - please accept my condolences. Having just lost my Daddy, I can't imagine losing the rest of my family - this is lovingly, powerfully penned - full of memories, good and bad - laughter and yes, tears - well done.
This touched me deeply, for having in my life for I have already lost two of my four brothers and still miss them so much. It isn't easy for brothers to say and tell each other how much they care for each other but I only hope where they are they knew it anyway.
Phyllis, This is such a tender loving tribute to your Bro..I am sure his spirit knows that you care about him and loved him. I wish you much love, light and peace, during this time,
Amber "V"
Let this coming of age story of a boy named Bean take you back to a simple time. Set in a small southern town in the 1960's, encircled by a river and gleaming white cotton fields.
It's almost Christmas. Lynn Basil is writing her last book about a secret entrance into the magical doll land of Sha Bebe that she loves so much. Bagannos have taken over the world! Lynn finally meets her dolls in real life. Can she write in a Secret
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I wish you all the comfort
to ease the pain of your memories
Of a brother, who you loved
Peace be with you
William
Be always safe,
Karen
Ron
I am so sorry for your loss dear one!!
Hugs & Much Love
Tinka
I am so sorry for your loss - please accept my condolences. Having just lost my Daddy, I can't imagine losing the rest of my family - this is lovingly, powerfully penned - full of memories, good and bad - laughter and yes, tears - well done.
(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.
then, we were not able to get together
much. Before Death, Life parted. So
sad. But we had our moments, didn't we.
Truly sad, but it sounds like many of those moments together are now wonderful memories.
Thanks for the reminders.
hugs
Fee
Blessings,
Joyce B.
Newfie hugs, Rose
Amber "V"
two brothers not so long ago. -gene.