Observations On Life/Rules For Living

1.   Never put off 'til next week what you can do tomorrow.

2.   A bird in the oven is worth two in the hand.

3.   When she says size dosen't matter, she's being kind; It always does.  (Not that I have any problems in that area).

4.   When she says she still wants to be friends, it's the equivalent of a guy not buying the cow 'cause he gets the milk for free.

5.   When he agrees to just being friends, it means he was going to break up with you anyway so he can spend more time with his other girlfriends.

6.   People who tell you to work smarter, not harder don't really want to work at all.

7.   The odds of being asked to do an endless number of menial tasks is directly proportional to how much you want to to watch something on TV.  This is why your "Old Lady" will always desperate need the trash taken out or the sink unclogged during the Super Bowl.

8.  Happiness is illusion unless nothing makes you happy.

9.  That there is an exception to every rule, is itself a rule, therefore there must somewhere be a rule with no exception--this is it.

10.  You can lead a horse to water, and you CAN make him drink, if you hold his head under long enough.  Of course he's also likely to drown.

11.  People who use the phrase "I swear to God" not only don't know him, but tend to be lying.

12.  People who hate their kids raise them believing life is fair.

13.  People who say "you owe it to yourself" either want "it" for  themselves or want to sale "it" to you.  People who say "You deserve it" don't know you too well.

14.  Lotteries come and lotteries go, but debt is forever.

15.  If you just can't fix it, you're not using a big enough hammer.  If a big enough hammer can't fix it, it can't be fixed--buy a new one.  If you can't buy a new one, borrow one from your neighbor and forget to take it back.  If he insists, move away in the middle of the night.  No situation is so bad, it can't be made worse.