This poem has a fatal flaw, in that it violates the laws of physics. I must keep the last two lines, but stars are not diamonds and are not pointy. Poetic license goes only so far. Just to let you know that I know. May i take a vote? Last line - bloodened or bloodstained? All input is appreciated.
To Thine Own
When the world says yes,
and you feel no, no
or the world says no
and you feel yes, yes
hold onto yourself
you are a fledgling fallen
from the nest.
Let no one touch you.
Mother will find and
feed you a fat worm.
Traversing a crimson sky
the scrim of stitched stars
you will be neither
bloodstained nor burned.
Copyright Julianza Shavin 2008
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Reviews of "To Thine Own"
Reviewed by Peter Schlosser (Reader)
Reviewed on August 25, 2009
Yes, fantastic poem Julie. Couldn't agree more. Stick to your guns, listen to your gut, dare to swim against the stream. Good stuff!
I was going to comment on this poem, but then we worked it out over email. I like the way you work the symbols, that no matter how life (the world) beats up on you, inside your keep your integrity. More inspiring words from Jul. Sha'Tara
Reviewed by Flying Fox Ted L Glines (Reader)
Reviewed on December 31, 2008
Hey, when I was on AD at 5:24 AM (Central Time) I saw "Featured Authors: Margena Holmes, Larry Matthews, Richard Orey, Jennifer Cowan, Julie (Julianza) Shavin, Ralph Cates, Steven Ulmen" -- so you ARE there!!! Love the poem except for the fat worm (greasy fried chicken would be better). Happy 31st of December :-)
Personally, I like it the way it is, Juli. Another thought-inciting write; I cannot claim to understand it from your perspective but I allow myself to interpret the symbolic nature of the theme. Love and best wishes,
I like the bloodstained myself but I think either would work equally well. This poetry has a life blood of it's own and the fall from the sky would probably lead to bloodstains.
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Be always safe,
Karen
Regis
(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.
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