To My Boy

I look through my window and watch an autumn wind set leaves in motion; they flutter in the soft breeze, trying to take flight but their stems hold fast.

I am reminded of your brave struggle with cancer and how I tried to hold onto you, begging God for a cure and for more time.

But, like the fragile leaf that ultimately dries and is blown away from its roots, your life was swept from under me,  my hands grasping for you in thin air, my heart longing for your presence.

The sky is gray this day, blocking the sun’s rays; dark clouds are filled with rain; so too is my life, for I cannot see the brightness of the day or the joy of the ‘morrow with eyes occluded by tears.

You were the best, my wonderful son; you gave me untold joy and happiness. You were my best friend, my confidant, my lust for life. Now you are part of the ether, there but not there to see, here but not here to touch.

The days stretch on and the seasons change but my heart lingers, pausing to remember the things we did and the love we shared.

The memories haunt; they remind, they pain my inner soul, but they also console, for they are what I have left of you.

So, when the time is right and you feel like showing off, come to me in the still of the night or at high noon and let me feel the warmth of your being. Embrace me with your spirit, and let me know that you are there, for you will always be my son - no matter when or where.