I am a Victim

of everything

and everyone.

I went to see

Swami Bungus Kapreesh

(that Oprah guru who

stays centered by

sleeping on nails)

he said I was

spiritually destitute

and TOTALLY

dysfunctional.

How kewl is that?

And it's all

Dad's fault for being an abusive jerk,

Mom's fault for being addicted to face-lifts,

my brother's fault for being such a queen,

my sister's fault for being a size 2,

my school's fault for being too strict,

America's fault for being too racist,

TV's fault for being too moronic,

The President’s fault for being a loser,

and your fault because

you sabotage my self-esteem

by thinking I'm

 an idiot.

Is it any wonder

I am so damaged,

I only have eight thousand friends

 on Facebook??

LW