Sometimes I don’t understand why I do the things I do

There are days when I feel so sad, tired, worthless and blue.

I want to get better, I promise I try

Look how far I have come from the days spent curled up on the floor, wanting to die.

Yet my problems still exist, they are with me everyday

I try to pretend they are not there, but that does not make them go away.

I find myself here on the bathroom floor

Years after telling myself I would not do this anymore.

Trying to rid myself of pain by purging what is inside

My secret is out

No longer can I hide.

Leaning over the porcelain bowl, throwing up once again

This has been a problem for so long, I do not know where to begin.

I remember being fifteen, wanting to loose a little weight

Every morning started with the same debate.

What will I eat? What will the scale say? If I don’t eat all at, tomorrow how much will I weigh?

I sat down that night, eating two single chips, when he came up to me and said “How can you eat those, look at your hips!”

Fast forward four years later

I am out on a date