Drunken Disorderly

I sat there sucking on a straw trying to get a little more

Of a drink I hadn't had for many a year

Twas the taste that hit me first,

as it began to quench my thirst

Then I began to giggle, and grin from ear to ear.

Couldn't keep my head on straight,

in my inebriated state

Since 9% proof was really much too strong.

There's a lesson in here folk,

and I'm telling you no joke

Don't leave binge-drinking sessions for quite so long.

Had a wheeze, had a plot,

had a plan worth a shot

Why not call the police and get them to help me out

The alcohol had took its toll;

I couldn’t find the remote control

So I called the cops and told them what it was all about

Goodness me, I'd hardly finished;

my drunken state somewhat diminished

Clearly I can tell you I was in pieces and in bits

The fuzz came to get me tested,

would you believe I got arrested

Seems the emergency services ...

shouldn’t be used by rat-arsed twits!