They had me on the radio, they asked me for my views

T'was on the early morning show, about online dating blues

I told them of my conquests and the ones that got away

I revealed my abject disgust at the things that some men say

They tell you of their houses and the money that they earn

They forget to mention spouses, which is somewhat of concern

They brag about their prowess, with pictures that are naff

Sometimes I felt quite powerless to sort the wheat out from the chaff

Then we talked about my lifestyle and why I hoped to score

I felt left out on the junk pile; no-one beating down my door

They asked how'd it go initially, t’was a bit Russian Roulette

I viewed these males suspiciously; you never knew what you would get

And I don’t know who was worse off, those deluded males or me

When some were such a turn-off, and failed to impress so miserably

Like a game of chess you have to be quite canny with your moves

With every attempt you make, you hope your ability improves

Seeing as how securing a mate is really my main goal

I’m like Alice there in wonderland, slipping down a rabbit hole

Here’s to some poor hapless suitor that I might get my hands on

As to their fate, that all depends, on exactly which square he lands on

They said I was quite funny and my attitude quite candid

I was like a force of nature, and my renditions were quite splendid

They asked if I would advocate the effort that it took

And if I was prepared to put my findings in a book

I said I'd simply love to, though I must be quite insane

Trust me, you won't catch me dead on any dating sites again