Lazing on a 'whatever' afternoon 

I never had my breakfast until at least gone half past two

And in the present circumstances, this is nothing new

I haven’t had a shower or a bath for several weeks

As to the unwashed dress I’m wearing now, it fairly reeks

I haven’t washed my manky hair and it hasn’t seen a comb

I haven’t done much of anything, at all since I’ve come home

You might be left wondering, in your mind how can it be

That a woman would admit this kind of lapse so shamelessly?

There’s more, my feet are crusty since for days they’ve not got wet

And my skin is simply flaking; it’s as dry as it can get

Besides I haven’t done a stitch, no housework has been done

I’ve majored in ‘languor’ management (please pardon the pun)

Let me explain, you’ll see my side and realise why, for days

I’ve worn the exact same undies, adopting slovenly ways

Once you know the facts you’ll see there’s nothing untoward

There’s method in this madness once the truth has been explored

So here’s the thing, I’m recovering from a fairly major op

I had to have it done so that the pain would finally stop

So here I languish every day, on the couch to recuperate

Until I am completely healed, that remains my current state

So day in and day out, I’m delighted in not lifting a finger

My bum’s planted in one spot, while I turn into a proper minger

I don’t envy my colleagues at work who have to do my share

I’m grinning like a Cheshire Cat and glad that I’m not there

I’m watching telly back-to-back, some shows I’ve never seen

And drift off every hour or so, this is the laziest I’ve ever been

I’ve never had it so good, with an official valid big fat excuse

To lounge around in my own muck living on sarnies, snacks and juice

Eventually, I have no doubt when I am healed, and fit and well

I’ll manage my ablutions and get rid of any offensive smell

And I might even get around to cleaning up this neglected hole

But in the meantime my only thought is …

where did I put the remote control?