Phenomenal Misfit*

(for Maya Angelou)

Pretty girls don’t know what I’m all about
And the bouncers greet me
Then kick me out
‘Cause I write these
Really fucked-up poems
About bastards, love
And masturbation
That mess with their heads.

When I walk into a room
And whip out a poem
Out of my pocket
And into the public
Like a special delivery
From Ted Kaczynski
They realize
I am a misfit
Phenomenally
Phenomenal misfit
That’s me.

All the losers and the perverts
Seem to swarm around me
Sometimes more than
I can stand it
But it keeps me busy
Yes, it keeps me thinking
That one day I, too
Will end up like them.
I am a misfit
Phenomenally
Phenomenal misfit
That’s me.

Perhaps it’s that
Shit-eating grin that
Makes me so
Or my manner of speaking
I don’t really know
But I don’t appeal to
Your average Joe.
I am a misfit
Phenomenally
Phenomenal misfit
That’s me.

Now you see
Why my head’s not bowed
And the bouncers tell me
That I’m not allowed
To share my soul
With the clientele.
‘Cause I am a misfit
Phenomenally
Phenomenal misfit
That’s me.

  June 27, 2001
--Alexander Shaumyan

*Note:  This was written as a parody of Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou