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Alexander Shaumyan

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Member Since: Mar, 2012

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Books
· The Door: Selected Poems

· The Fuck Generation


Articles
· My Interview with Laurel Johnson in 2003


Poetry
· A Double Murder in Los Angeles

· Ask Not What You Can Do For Your Country

· O Woman, I am a Lily of the Valley...

· Reunion and Uncle Joe's Adventures in Korea

· Our Minds Were Drifting

· Ode to Mental Patients

· Pisces Girl

· Happy as a Goose

· I Don't Belong

· A Screaming Poem

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If Jesus Scratched His

by Alexander Shaumyan — Read all 180 poems by Alexander Shaumyan

If Jesus scratched his balls
In the most indecent way...

Tuesday, December 30, 2025


Poem Artwork

If Jesus Scratched His

If Jesus scratched his balls
In the most indecent way,
Would a thousand angels
Turn into a pack of perverts,
And would you laugh at me,
My love, and say
That humanness is something
We desire,
When cast out of the womb
Into the fire
Of all that’s human,
All that is insane?

And so what if Jesus scratched
His balls? Or rubbed his ass?
Or picked his nose
And told bad jokes, burping
Or passing gas?—
Would you believe that
He was just as human
As you and I?
Or was he just a myth
Personified?

And we have scorched the earth
In search of truth,
For which so many
Pointlessly died
In endless wars that spilled
The blood of youth,
Who for somebody’s gods
Were crucified.

And so listen — there are no men
Or balls, or lambs to sacrifice
For someone’s sins,
There’s just this empty space
And therein
There is the light,
Where darkness ends
And love begins.


  August 22, 2006 
--Alexander Shaumyan


The Door: Selected Poems



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Reviewed by Ronald Hull
Reviewed on January 3, 2026
Remember reviewing this back then. I'm sure Jesus did. But those bastards who edited the scriptures made sure that they redacted every one of those human references so that he would become the baby that never grew old.

At least, that's what I'm told.

Ron


New Poetry by Alexander Shaumyan
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