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Alexander Shaumyan

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Member Since: Mar, 2012

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Books
· The Door: Selected Poems

· The Fuck Generation


Articles
· My Interview with Laurel Johnson in 2003


Poetry
· A Double Murder in Los Angeles

· Ask Not What You Can Do For Your Country

· O Woman, I am a Lily of the Valley...

· Reunion and Uncle Joe's Adventures in Korea

· Our Minds Were Drifting

· Ode to Mental Patients

· Pisces Girl

· Happy as a Goose

· I Don't Belong

· A Screaming Poem

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Jesus Burger

by Alexander Shaumyan — Read all 180 poems by Alexander Shaumyan

Bon Appétit!

Thursday, May 21, 2026


Poem Artwork
Jesus Burger
 
Feeling spiritually hungry,
I stopped by at an
Internet writers’ joint,
Where I was served with
A Jesus burger, well done,
On a mystic Sufi bun,
With kosher pickles,
Kabbalic lettuce and
Shamanic tomatoes,
With that secret Zen sauce
And transcendental Maya,
With a large order of
Wicca fries and a bottle
Of flavored holy water,
And I ate it all up
Hook, line and sinker
Until I got a heartburn
From all the baloney —
So I started writing
My postmodern Marxist
Slogans that New Age
Consciousness is the
McDonald’s of the masses.


  March 26, 2006 
--Alexander Shaumyan
 
 
The Door: Selected Poems



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Reviewed by Kalikiano Kalei
Reviewed on May 22, 2026
Religion, I fear, is 'food for the sole', rather than 'food for the soul.' This piece captures the essence perfectly of the insanely fragile intellectual nonsense that masquerades as keys to a salvation that doesn't exist, except in the imaginations of the weak and the dreamers. Short, salient and to the point, Alex. Another very satisfying one from the past. -K2


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