Has it been that long?

The time I had to say

good bye to you

doesn't seem  that long

ago, not long at all.

Who could have known all

that time left me waiting

impatiently for the rest of

my life? Oh, but not at such

a price!

Mournful tears falling from

my eyes; I can't stop them

sometimes though I may try.

Looking back I can be full of

regret. Examining your reflection

now I am weary and aware of your

flaws. The wondering and the whys

may haunt me at times.

I never had a second thought

about them before July.

The month is summer , meant to be

so warm. And yet your death and

exit from my life left me feeling

cold. Where is the sun to keep me

warm now? Do your eyes still see

me and who I am becoming?

Do your hands still hold onto

the promise of my future?

It's a future you could not be

a part of . But, maybe you still

see. I see you in my dreams.

What messages are you trying

to give me? What is it you're

trying to say?

I know you no longer feel pain but,

with me some of it has remained.

So many summers, so many seasons

have passed in your absence.

So many months of July I have marked

on the calendar and in my mind.

I never struggled with letting time

pass , I never wished to get any of them

back before July.