I Live

I don’t expect you to understand my feelings for him.

You see the destruction he left behind.

I live his love, the one thing he didn’t wreck.

You heard his anger and watched him walk away.

I felt his pain and knew he walked with half a heart.

I live the half he left behind.

You saw my tears and felt what you wanted me to feel.

I know my tears wouldn’t exist without their opposite.

You see my empty world.

I live the gifts of his essence

I live his smile,

not the one you know but the one he created for me

to replace lost words,

convey emotions

the one that spoke to my spirit,

encouraged my dreams,

enhanced my drive,

carried my sorrow

I live his hunger for my passion,

his joy in my happiness,

his pride in my accomplishments

his breath in my being

You saw him.

I felt him see me, really see me

and love the ugliness I exposed

sometimes because I knew his eyes would soften it

I don’t expect you to understand

only to let me live

Sandy Knauer 2005