for Diane

Last night as I drifted off to sleep I heard you call my name
And your voice was as I remembered it; sultry and low with a hint of sadness
that always clung like the aroma of freshly cut lilacs. I wanted to
call out to
you, to whisper your name and hear you calling to me. Maybe, Diane, I
was afraid
that if I found you again and then lost you; I wouldn't survive; I
wouldn't want
to survive. There are things in life, Di, that a man sometimes forgets. But I
recall everything about you, the dice game you made up that we always played
using the LP cover from the Buffalo Springfield album. You were just out of
high school then with your Bowie cut, so very young and beautiful. You made me
play Hurdy Gurdy man by Donovan over and over because back then it was your
favorite song. Bowie's Diamond Dogs was your other favorite. I met you for the
very first time at Earl's Well and you didn't like me at first. We laughed
about that for over thirteen years. Last night as I drifted off to sleep I
heard you call my name but I didn't answer because if you were to ask me to
come with you I wouldn't hesitate, not for an instant. I recall the last time
we were together, we were doing cocaine in the kitchen when you told me
the guy
watching football in the living room was a cop. I was pissed, I thought it was
the dumbest thing you had ever done. And just earlier it had been so
beautiful,
we went to the beach under a giant moon and talked like we hadn't done
in a long
time. You said you wanted a baby and asked me to swear that we would be there
for each other forever. You wanted us to swim out into the ocean together. At
the time I didn't understand why since neither of us swam well. We went
back to
your apartment and did a few lines and then you told me about the cop. I was
furious with you; I think for the only time in our lives, I opened the kitchen
door to leave and I remember you stopped me and asked if I was going to kiss
you goodnight. I spun around and gave you a quick kiss and stormed off
into the
night. When I calmed down sunday morning I phoned but Eddie said you
had ridden
your bicycle to McDonalds. I was going to give you a piece of my mind about
drugs and cops but I didn't bother calling you back.
On tuesday morning I got a phonecall at work. It was Cheryll. All she said
was... "Do you know that Diane is dead." I dropped the phone and ran. I raced
up the metal stairs to the upper stock level and leaned against the railing. I
didn't want to cry but the tears just wouldn't stop. My heart just
heaved in my
chest and I looked down at a world that would never ever be the same
again. Last
night as I drifted off to sleep I heard you call my name. I couldn't answer
Diane because now is not the time and now is the only time I have. I've kept
our vows, Diane, and one day when you call I will answer.
Love,
Bill