(She's been gone seven years as of today; may she forever rest in peace)

MS ANN ( POEM DEDICATED TO MY MOM)


Ms. Ann (Is what we called her)
were any of you as fortunate as i
to have such a queen in your background?
i cannot pretend she was the sweetest thing born
because if you look deeply, we were so much alike.
you see her lying there and you say, "poor woman"
but let me tell you, she would have none of that.
she held her nose high and would tell anyone
just where it was at/
if you crossed any of her children
she would lay you out flat....believe that!
she wasnt much for saying "i love you"
but her eyes showed the love that she had,
its just that I was already well past 30
before I could see through her front
which is really truly sad/
she was betrayed in childhood
a white woman, with blue eyes,
in an ethnic world that didnt want an immigrant/
so she fit in where she could and
gave birth to a rainbow, we dont all have the same daddy
but she gave us beauty, raw talent and a path/
we shared portuguese tongues and learned English
together
we hid behind spanish and cried behind french
she was so beautiful but didnt know it
let so many men treat her like an sexual wench/
but even when she felt bad, she really looked good
would put on makeup to catch a fire
wouldnt open the door without her lipstick

BUT I MISS HER
SHE WAS MY EARTH
MY STARS
AND
THE SUN/
SOME OF YOU HAVE LOST YOUR MOTHERS
SO I KNOW IM NOT THE ONLY ONE/
BUT THIS ONE WAS MINE.....AND MINE ALONE
SO YOU COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND
HOW CHEATED I FEEL/
SHOULD HAVE CUT OUT MY HEART/CHOPPED OFF MY HAND/
WHO WILL I FIGHT WITH?
WHO WILL I FUSS WITH?
WHO WILL I CALL ON
WHEN THE WORLD LETS ME DOWN?
WHO ELSE WILL TELL ME HOW IT IS
AND PRAY ALL NIGHT
THAT MY INJURED SPIRIT HEALS?
I WASNT READY, ITS BEEN MORE THAN THREE YEARS
AND I AM STILL REALLY MAD/
SOMETIMES AT HER
AND
SOMETIMES AT GOD
BECAUSE HER TIMING WAS ALWAYS BAD/

inside its killing me,

Ms Ann has left me,
just call me selfish
because i really want her back!

dont want to hear any christian cliches
God could have used another
and left alone our multi-ethnic pact/
she was my success
she was my creator
she was my existence
and
thats how i forgive her/
she was my best friend
for about 8 years
because we wasted so many
in turmoil and pain
but if i had the chance to do it all again
i know i would do it a bit different again/
i'll miss her zeal
i'll miss her guidance
i'll miss her everyday
i'm allowed to live/
no one will replace her
cant ever erase her
rest well Mami
watch me and my kids......

I LOVE YOU

Sunrise: October 09th in a good year
Sunset: August 25th in a sad year