The bear is back in my mind
a grizzly wrizzly izzly bear
with a flurry of surly wurly feelings

that want to grow
and growl
and snarl
but they can't
because there is nothing
and nowhere to place
the snarly warly barring teeth
feelings so real.

I have no fairy wand
     to wave
     to make life better
             - to change what has been done
               to 45,000 children
a year
in this country.

Under the hearts of those who say they love them.

I want to shout
   loud
   and clear
that

DRINKING
while pregnant must stop
and . . .
that the person you are growing matters.

That this person matters to me
and to ther others
      who will love
             and care
                     and hold the little he or she.

The bear is back in my mind
as I remember
      when you came
      so small,
      with arms so thin 
      and legs so small

you were 'bearly'
a northing at all

except a very big voice.

Bear in mind -
A growling raging voice
         proclaiming your incidious beginning.
And not yet half a year
          you vomited
        every thing you tried to eat
until we found the special foods
so you could survive.

And the mama bear in my mind
      went looking
      for answers
to help you live
and grow.
      And you did.

Bear in mind -
A growling raging voice
      proclaiming you could not be touched
           or held
                or cuddled

and I wanted
        a snuggly
                wuggly
                        buggly child
who I could hold

- and so the mama bear in me
      found ways to enjoy you
      and realize that you loved the best you could

- until we learned about
      how your body worked
      and the sensory issues
      and the missing pieces and connections
at age twelve
Twelve years too late.

- how could a mother not know?
        or doctors?
        or others so educated
- the bear in mind was there searching
       - but not finding
- asking
     with no answers
     because I did not have the right questions.

Bear in mind -
A growling raging voice proclaiming that fun things to do
were too intense and yet you my child were the most intense of all

- and I learned to calm and quiet all the grizzly voices in my mind
and not add energy to energy so you could learn
and grow
and go
and do like other children

- and you grew into a giving, loving, forgiving child
woven with the grizzly bears of your mind
we did not understand.

Alien in a world I understood that could not understand you.
With media and advertisement undermining all we said
- because they knew
and we didn't
and they were the truth.

Oh the bear in my mind wants to pound my chest
and more than growl.

Do bears roar?

Bear in mind -
You grew
and you grew
and you grew away
because
we were not who you wanted to be
- could be
- would be

The bears in our minds no longer be silent
- pushing each other away
with our snarls
and growls
and stares.

We were not the MTV family
or the Bratz
or the Glamour girls

- we were happy in our litle den
with our close friends
doing close friend things

- while you my little cub needed to run and explore what you believed was pots of honey at ends of rainbows that did not exist except in the media of music and video.

The bear in my mind watched as you worked your way through your imagination
of Truth with brain injury caused by alcohol to the unborn
- 100% preventable -

I asked my child what happens
when you go around the same tree over
and over

and in her wisdom she shared.
"I fall down like a nut."

I smile.
I laugh.
And I know there is hope.

Bear in mind -

I hope you have come to the end of yourself dear little baby bear
- your spirit still intact
- so that it can change the course of history for others
- you my child are one
- only one of many
- too many
- 45,000 a year too many.

The bear in my mind wants to hybernate
- to go away and sleep it all off as a bad dream