Why Porcupines Eat Pork But Don’t Eat Pine
(or what I really learned from reading Robert Frost in high school)
Stopping by woods on a snowy evening,
I contemplated a mighty powerful question—
Why do porcupines eat pork but don’t eat pine?
Is it because of their religion or because
they prefer pork to pine?
To solve my dilemma I have consulted a
homosexual donkey that was passing nearby.
“Dear Mr. Jackass, can you help me?” I asked,
posing him my delicate question.
“Certainly,” said our friend.
“The answer is very simple. Good pine trees
make good fences and good fences make good
neighbors. Personally, I prefer donkeys of
the same sex.”
July 3, 1986
--Alexander Shaumyan
The Door: Selected Poems
Share
Print
Save
I'm still wondering why there is no apple or pine in a pineapple. And why the New Englanders were so obsessed with the symbol of a pineapple as wealth?
On a deer hunt, my father tested his new rifle by killing a porcupine. Cutting open its guts, he discovered that porcupines pine for pine needles. Eating the winter fattened flesh, tasted like pork belly.
Ron
Here's my killer frost rendition:
The Toad Not Taken
Two toads converged on some yellow snow
Both regretful it smelled so like crap,
For both were thirsty on that icy floe;
While one was diverted, peering into shadow,
Along came a car and squoosed him kersplat.
Er...sorry!