Language

Language has become so difficult.
I came up to a girl and said: “I love you.”
“You mean a sporadic concern
for a fellow human being?” she asked
“No,” I said.
“You mean that you have deep respect for me?”
“No,” I said.
“You mean we have a very strong compatibility in our intimate relationship?”
“No,” I said.
“You mean that you have a strong feeling of affection?”
“No,” I said.
“You mean you are infatuated with my presence?”
“No,” I said.
“You mean you are strongly attached to me?”
“No,” I said.
“Then you must mean that sense of universal oneness
between the polarities of opposites which transcends
all selfishness?!”
“You are still not getting it,” I said.
“Then I don’t understand it. What on earth do you mean?” she asked, crying.
“I mean that I love you.”
“Well, take your love somewhere else!” she said
rushing out the door.
So if you ever meet that girl, ask her:
“What do you think about the symbiotic incongruence between the sexes?”
And if you have no luck, talk about the weather.
But whatever you do, don’t ask
Mr. Webster.
Things were different then.

   circa 1984

--Alexander Shaumyan