" Yea,though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."
Psalms 23:4

 

Last Friday at 11:15am a young man knocked at my door.  I know him from the neighborhood but we have never shared more than a few cordial words.  I invited him in but he declined saying " he was dirty, he had just gotten off of work."  As he stood at my front door I could feel the confusion and pain oozing from his essence.  Finally he blurted out that a friend and neighbor of over 10 years had three to six months to live.

I was shocked and speechless instantaneously launched into a black hole of disbelief.  He stood there apologizing.  Then he looked me in my eyes and said " I didn't know what to do or where to go, God must have sent me to you.  You are strong and the family will need you."   Need me?  Strong?  Am I in the middle of a horrible nightmare trapped within the realms of the twilight zone?  I offered my condolances and told him I would do any and everything I could to be of assistance.  Relief flooded his eyes as he slowly walked away.

As I closed my front door the flood gates of my soul broke, shattering every ounce of my being.  My body shook, my eyes poured endless tears and anger consumed my heart.  Why! Why!! Why? NO!....not her, please God take me!
This isn't fair.  God? Why do you always take the good people...

This woman, my friend who never has an unkind word to say. She nevers judges people, always helps people, makes time to listen to people's problems, gives unselfishly even though she has very little herself.  Young people in the neighborhood who have been kicked out of their homes are never without a place to lay their heads.  People with substance abuse issues who have burned all of their bridges are always welcome with an open heart and a caring ear.  She's only forty-four years old...No God...No!

At five that evening my friends husband paid me a visit.  With tears in his eyes he told me that God always has a plan.  Maybe, he said, " This is a wake-up call for all of the people young and old that have been touched by my wife's love and compassion.  She has skin cancer, but she is not in pain right now and her spirits are high and she is being very positive."  

For days I've wrestled with fear, anger and questions.  What right do I have to be so angry with God?  What makes me think I can or should question God's plans?  Well...I guess I can do or think whatever I like but ultimately I have no control over what is meant to be.  I do however, have control over my faith.  The same faith that sees me through the good the bad and the ugly realities of life...my life as well as life in general.  Faith that God is good and he blesses me everyday whether I understand or realize the blessings he bestows. So I will continue to pray, rejoice in my gift of faith and try to be half the person that my good friend is.  I will continue working on myself so that I can be worthy of the gifts that God has and continue to give.