Effective listening skills are essential in all walks of life. Customers are lost and relationships are strained when we fail to listen to and understand other people. This article provides suggestions that will lead to more effective listening. A FREE communication self-assessment is included.

"No one would listen to you talk if they didn't know it was their turn next," Edgar W. Howe proclaimed. Good conversation is like a tennis match. You talk--you listen--sometimes you hit the net and a misunderstanding occurs. Chances are, though, with good listening skills, you'll be back on top of the game quickly.

Effective listening is an art. It requires you to:

-- Reevaluate assumptions and biases, and work to eliminate stereotypical thinking.

-- Pay attention to what is said; don't be distracted.

-- Take notes. Jot down words that will jog your memory for follow up actions.

-- Be attentive to what is NOT said but don't jump to conclusions prematurely. Is the speaker trying not to offend you and side-stepping a question?

-- Check out your hunches by giving the speaker feedback. Ask if your interpretation of their meaning is correct.

-- Find their intent. Poor communication skills frequently lead to misunderstandings and sometimes to hostility.

-- Ask questions and paraphrase for fuller understanding.

-- Use your body language in a positive way. Make eye contact. Nod appropriately and appreciatively, lean forward.

-- Avoid being defensive about your ideas. State them clearly without a confrontational tone.

-- Avoid signs of restlessness, such as tapping a pencil, while listening.

Listen and Learn

By listening attentively and providing feedback, you indicate to others that you value what they have to say. At the same time, you don't want to appear to be asking for approval all the time, unless, of course, you need it. A tactful response after listening, considering, but not adopting the other person's ideas would be to say something on the order of, "Thank you for that suggestion. It will help flesh out my ideas in that area," or "Your comments give me another perspective on that issue. I will consider them." Max Ehrmann's Desiderata advises us to listen to others, "even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story."

Make Me Feel Important

Some time ago I was interviewing a very important person for a book I was writing. The phone rang as he was speaking and he courteously asked if I'd mind if he answered it. His secretary was holding his calls but there was one important matter he needed to tend to, and this must be it. Of course, I didn't mind. When he returned several minutes later, he picked up exactly where we'd been interrupted, practically in mid-sentence. Had it not been for my notes, I would not have been prepared to pick up LISTENING where he’d left off. Though he needed to take the phone call, he did not lose sight of our conversation. He made me feel important.

Effective communication skills are the mark of an achiever.

BOTTOM LINE:
Screen out distractions--turn off the TV.
Ask questions to get a better understanding.
Give feedback to be sure you understand the intent of the message.

Check your listening style in privacy by completing the Personal Listening Profile online.