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M. Hill began dating in her teens. Now in her forties, she has people asking why she is still single. She wishes she had an easy answer. Society expects a woman will marry, especially if she is successful and at a certain age. Hill has considered marriage and has dated plenty, but ultimately, she has decided she cannot commit to a man who is not right for her. This brave woman has refused to "settle" from fear of being alone. M. Hill not only wants women to be entertained by "The Ones That Got Away," but also to realize a woman does not need a man to validate her. She warns women not to settle. "Let's face it," she says, "no one's going to find Mr. Right if they're filling their time miserably with the wrong person." Ultimately she hopes women will have more confidence and realize a man can't be expected to make a woman happy. It's being happy, whether single or married, that truly matters.
The Ones That Got Away: A Dating Memoir
M. Hill
HoneyBee Publishing (2008)
ISBN 9780981750002
Reviewed by Paige Lovitt for Reader Views (7/08)
“The Ones That Got Away: A Dating Memoir” tells the story of M. Hill’s crushes and dating experiences which began in her early teens and takes you to the present where she is approaching her mid-forties. Much of her experience takes place in central New Jersey, where I was raised. It was fun to read about her experiences at some of my old hangouts. I think I even had a crush on one of her boyfriends when we both worked at Great Adventure. After reading about him, I am glad that she was the one that he wanted and not me. Ms. Hill has a knack for relating many of her experiences in a humorous manner, yet you know at the time they probably weren’t so funny. Most of us who have been single for any period of time will find ourselves relating to the angst.
Some of the most entertaining dating experiences in this book are about blind dates. I found myself cringing and laughing at the same time. I myself have met some real winners this way. I had a 5’6” fifty-something man complain to me about how women lie about their age and their weight. I sat there thinking, “Buddy, there is no way you are 5’10” and 45.” Plus he was wearing a visor in a restaurant to cover up his receding hairline. It was at seven o’clock, at night.
In regards to being a heartbreaker or having her heartbroken, Ms. Hill has been on both sides of the coin. This is where I really found myself relating to her. I shared similar experiences of being in relationships that I didn’t want to be in, waiting for the perfect time to end them, which rarely arose. It is horrible to have to jump in and break someone’s heart when their life is already a mess. But sometimes, you just have to. On the other hand, in the long run, you are freeing them up so that they can find someone else.
Then there are those moments in a relationship, when you are the one that is head over heels over someone and you know that your feelings aren’t being reciprocated. That is such a horrible feeling. You think you are still in love, but you are coming to the realization that you are not loved in return. As a matter of fact, you struggle to hold on to something that is about to end. That is a painful place to be. The author and I have both been there. We can also commiserate with having mothers that don’t understand why there are times when we just want to be single and alone.
It has taken me over forty years to come to the realization that Ms. Hill has found on her own, “…I realized I would never again spend time with the wrong person just so as not to be alone.” This is a powerful, healing realization. Of course, sometimes we don’t find out right away that we are with the wrong person. There will definitely be some pain involved at some point, but not the pain of painfully trying to make something work, that just isn’t going to.
I really appreciate Ms. Hill’s willingness to share her life story with us. She didn’t try to present herself as a perfect person, just a real one. All in all, “The Ones that Got Away: A Dating Memoir” is a wonderful book to read. It is a must read for single women and I also highly recommend it to married women, especially the ones who think that their relationships are dull. It will really make them appreciate what they have.
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