AuthorsDen.com   Join | Login    
Where Authors and Readers come together!

SIGNED BOOKS    AUTHORS    BOOKS    SAMPLE CHAPTERS    AUDIOBOOKS    eBOOKS    STORIES    ARTICLES    POETRY    BLOGS    NEWS    VIDEOS    SUCCESS    TESTIMONIALS

Featured Authors:  Michael Charles Messineo, iBetty Jo Tucker, iPawan Mishra, i Dadfire, iPamela Ackerson, iJill Eisnaugle, iLloydene Hill, iMel Hathorn, iJudith Bailey, iLisa Loucks Christenson, i

  Home > Humor > Articles Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry      Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z     

Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner

 Follow Me  

· Contact Me
· Sponsor Me!
· Articles
· Poetry
· News
· Stories
· Blog
· 3,370 Titles
· 56,897 Reviews
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
·
Member Since: Dec, 2001

Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.


Texas Bugs (& Other Oddities)
by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner   
     
Recent articles by
Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner

• Gratitude Journal, July 4, 2012 © 2012, Karla Dorman
• Fourth of July Fireworks, Floods
• Be Thank.FULL
• Military Appreciation Night, Monday, November 16, 2009
• Golden Corral Celebrates
           >> View all

They're not kidding when they say EVERYTHING'S bigger in Texas!

Until I moved to Texas nearly twenty years ago, I had never seen the variety of bugs they have in this state. All different kinds. A LOT of bugs.

Most of 'em are HUGE.

Take cockroaches. PLEASE. I very rarely saw them up North. Here, they're EVERYWHERE. It doesn't matter how clean you keep your home or apartment, more than likely, you're gonna have an encounter with one (if there's one, guaranteed, you'll find his family).

Some of them grow into AMAZING sizes. Like waterbugs. (What some Southerners call "Palmetto Bugs.") HUGE ain't the WORD for it. Some of those suckers are big enough to ride on!! Okay, I'm exaggerating. But I've seen 'em two, three inches long. I'm sorry...bugs should NOT be THAT big. How do you kill a waterbug? Most people step on 'em...not me. Can't stand to hear them crunch... I call the neighbor!!! (And I won't let the neighbor step on them, either.) If a neighbor ain't around, I get the biggest container I can find, work up my courage, & try to nudge him into it (praying the whole time he don't crawl out onto my arm...that would be it for me...just bury me now!!), then run like thunder & throw it outside.

Spiders. Creepy little things...eight legs, all them eyeballs looking at you.

Some of them (I think most of them in Texas) are poisonous. Black widows. Get bit by one of them & you may find out why they're called "widows." But the truly NAAASTY specimen I've had encounters with is the Brown Recluse (or, more commonly known as "Fiddlebacks") Spider. They hide in dark places. Like closets. In drawers. In your clothes. In your shoes. In your bed (hope you sleep well tonight!!). Get bit by one of them, you develop a blister. A couple of days later, you find you've been targeted...literally. The area around the blister looks like a target. Bullseye! If you don't get it treated, that area can start to rot. It takes months to get over a bite from the brown recluse...I know. Been bit under the armpit (that was a joy, trying to put deoderant on!), on the rear (lots of fun sitting down) & on the upper thigh. Thank God, I knew what bit me, so I immediately went & got treatment. Still, it took a while to get over it, & I still have scarring. It could have been worse...a friend of mine got bit on the eyelid when she went into her closet & nearly lost her eye.

And TARANTULAS. Dang...they're HUGE! I've seen 'em as big as your hand! They're not so bad here (THANK GOD), but out in West Texas, or so I've been told, thousands of them will cross a highway. Had one crawl up my leg once. I like to have died...looked down, there he was, on my knee. I screeched bloody murder & kinda swiped him off my leg...he went sailing & landed on my downstairs-neighbor-across-the-way's porch. It wouldn't have been so bad, but he landed on a plate of cookies she'd had on her little table...she'd gone inside to answer the phone. When she came out, she saw the tarantula there, screamed; I said, "What?? What???" She said, "There's a TARANTULA...& he's on--my--COOKIES!!!!"

But there's one teeny, tiny insect that causes big problems here in the state of Texas.

The fire ant.

Those little bad boys are NAAASTY. When they bite you, you know it. (Burning pain is why they're called "FIRE" ants.) They leave blisters that ITCH...bad. You can go MAD scratching at the bite of fire ants. Water don't stop 'em, either...I was at a picnic once, started getting bit, so I thought I'd outsmart the little guys & go stand in a puddle of water. They followed me & chewed me up some more. Little creeps! They build their mounds & millions & millions of 'em live in them. Their mounds can get HUGE. They also like to get into electrical power boxes. (Guess the wiring tastes good or something.) They cause all sorts of damage to electrical lines, outdoor air conditioning units & power boxes.

Then, there's the weather. That's a whole 'nother subject in itself!!

Hailstones that get to the size of GRAPEFRUITS...

Tornadoes...

Lightning...

'Nother time we'll discuss the weather. That's a BIG TIME oddity here in Texas!!


Want to review or comment on this article?


Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Reviewed by Raquel
Reviewed on April 14, 2002
I LOVE this article too! I have lived in Texas all my life, and I know exactly what you're talking about! ESPECIALLY with regards to the waterbugs. I used to force others to kill them for me, but since I'm nnow thirty one I figure I gotta grow up and start murdering my own bugs!
But I HATE it!
I was a native of San Antonio, TX and moved here to Fort Worth almost two years ago. It's different, and I'm liking it!

Reviewed by fionnagh oaks (Reader)
Reviewed on March 27, 2002
thank you

Popular Humor Articles
  1.  Crash Dummies
  2.  Penny Power
  3.  Pedicure and Chicken
  4.  Snow White Trailer Trash Talk
  5.  Beware the Tsundoku!
  6.  How to Survive Bean Soup, The Game.
  7.  Poetry Submission
  8.  Shot/No Shot
  9.  Losing Ticket
  10.  Kaltenheiss's famed Katya im Boxer qua
  11.  Dilatation of Closed Phrenix Confabula
  12.  Precedent Linkin's Gettysberg A Dress
  13.  Imminent Danger
  14.  Getting Old In The Real World
  15.  More GFI
  16.  Breaking Bad meets Star Trek and Pies
  17.  The Left-Handed Heart
  18.  The Great Turtle Stampede
  19.  My colonoscopy 3/20/14 – I have to tel
  20.  Spark Plug
  21.  Toughest Million
  22.  Battle of the Bulge: Jesus Hates Speed
  23.  Problem Solving, Or The Day My Septic
  24.  NEW KEYBOARD
  25.  Segments from a Bifurcated Life

Free Book Review Program
Select a book to read and review today!

Blöd Ties by Ian Thorpe

Blod Ties - Fantasy, Romance. Romantasy? A bit of whimsy for the weekend. A naive British tourist John Gormley takes a holiday in the ancient, remote kingdom of Perarboria. He does not suspect that his holiday love affair with a local beauty is desti  
Member BookAds

The Wholly Book of Doo-Doo-Rot-on-Me by Jay Dubya

The Wholly Book of Doo-Doo-Rot-on-Me is adult satirical humor featuring adult language and adult content, and the work is a parody of the Old Testament Book of Deuteronomy.  
Member BookAds

Mauled Maimed Mangled Mutilated Mythology by Jay Dubya

Mauled Maimed Mangled Mutilated Mythology is a collection of 21 famous myths that have been given adult spins and presentations.  
Member BookAds