by Candida L Eittreim
edited: Sunday, April 28, 2002
Posted: Sunday, April 28, 2002
Become a Fan
It hurts to see your grown child in pain. It hurts to the bone, to see them make horrendous mistakes, and suffer for it.
It's hard, isn't it" Watching your child growing towards adulthood and making mistakes? The natural instinct for most of us is to say:"Don't! Do it this way" But, we can't realistically do this if we ever hope to raise responsible children.
Once grown, and on their own, these early lessons help prepare them for all the hurts and disappointments life deals out to all of us. If we are always there, to cushion the blows or excuse their behavior, we damage them in profound ways. How? By never allowing them to become fully adult.
I know, I've been there done that. It hurts to see your grown child in pain. It hurts to the bone, to see them make horrendous mistakes, and suffer for it. Right now, I'm aching for my child. After living for 7 years with a man who adored her, it's over. Because she can't tell the truth or exercise good judgement. I want to hold her and tell her it will be alright, but I can't. Because it won't be, until and unless she sees her role in the breakup.
I think most parent's first reaction is to take sides. To blame the other side when things go badly wrong. But, if we're self honest, we know the truth has many facets. Still I lie awake at night worrying and praying she will be safe, hoping no predator takes advantage of her aloneness. But most of all I pray she learns to accept responsibility for her part in things.
Because I will not allow her to rationalize her behavior or deny responsibility. She can't come home. As an adult, though it breaks my heart, she needs to learn this lesson the hard way…alone.