If you have a Weak Stomach,
Or - Don’t like Crudity,
Don’t Read This! Okay?
Breakfast:
Two Eggs, Two Pancakes, Two Bacon Strips -
Hash Browns, Orange Juice, Coffee -
Tab - about Five Bucks!
Intake: about 16 Oz. - One Pound.
Two hours later: First Dump -
Excretion - 12 Oz. Net Gain = 4 Oz.
Lunch:
Quarter-Pounder, Fries, Apple Pie,
Chocolate Milkshake, then Coffee.
Tab - about Five Bucks!
Intake: about 16 oz. - One Pound.
Three hours later: Second Dump -
Excretion - 10 Oz. Net Gain = 6 Oz.
Dinner:
Nice 8 Oz. N.Y. Strip Steak, Baked Potato,
w/Sour Cream, Chives, and Butter!
Small Salad, and French Green-beans -
Glass of Chardonnay, Slice of Cheesecake, Coffee.
Tab - about Twenty-Two Bucks!
Intake: about 28 Oz.
Three hours later - Third Dump -
Excretion: 12 Oz. - Net Gain = 16 Oz. One Pound!
TV Snack while watching Movie:
Buttered Popcorn, Bowl of EDY’s Ice-cream,
Two Pints of ‘Diet’ Soda - then a Cup of Green Tea.
‘Hidden’ Tab - about Seven Bucks!
Intake: about 50 Oz.
Day’s Net Gain = 76 Oz. = 4.75 Pounds!
Less - Pee-Pee before Bed: about 4 Oz.
Daily Net Gain = 4.5 Pounds!
Multiply this Figure by 5 Working Days =
22.5 Pounds Gained during the Week -
Minus - Starving, Exercising, and Purging on Weekend -
Lose 12.5 Pounds = 10 Pound Gain - Net!
Times - 4 Weeks = 40 Pounds per Month!
Equals 480 Pounds per Year!
PLUS: 150 Pounds you Started With =
630 Pound Frigging TANK!
Seems Logical - as Mr. Spock might say, But -
What’s Wrong With This Picture?
The Intake Figures may be reasonably Accurate -
But the DUMPS aren’t quite right, are They?
In fact, Most so-called ‘normal’ People
Don’t even Manage Three a Day!
So - they must be BIGGER and HEAVIER, Right?
But - Pray Tell - Who WEIGHS Them?
Certainly, Not Me!
So - Just What is the Point of All this Hogwash?
Simply Put - What Goes In, Must Come Out!
Consume a Pound!
Poop a Pound!
Basic Mathematics!
Looking for Weight Loss?
EAT LESS!
POOP MORE!
Fill Your Greedy Little Belly -
With LIQUIDS! Sate that Sucker!
Want to BE LESS?
PEE MORE!
There you Have It!
A New, Improved - Non-Guaranteed - No Cost
- Weight Loss Program -
According To -
Hyland’s Happy Hogwash!
P.S.
Face it - Nobody Eats Dinner Out
Five Times a Week!
At an Intake of $39. Daily =
One Hundred and Ninety-Five Dollars per Week =
Seven Hundred and Eighty Dollars per Month!
$780. Spent - Divided by 480 Pounds Gained =
$1.63 per Pound Cost! Actually - Cheaper -
If You Want Gain!
Oh my goodness. Maken me dizzy with all the ____s. lol I understand that much of what we eat is about 90% H20. Maybe just eat dehydrated food and drop bunny pellets from time to time. lol They don't weigh much. made me chuckle Tom. Hugs, J'nia
Eat a 2 pound steak, washed it down with a laxative cocktail, poop three pounds! neat! go twice under the shower to get wet.
Georg
Reviewed by Chantilly Lace (Reader)
Reviewed on May 20, 2009
Oh my god,ya went and did it this time sweetie,almost peed my pants looking at that picture..only you TK only you sweet man...keep smiling always OK..Hugss
Love,
Chanti Lace xoxo
Wow. What a piccy. I'm large, but not THAT large, tyvm! I eat one meal a day. Can't afford any more ... am losing weight. Slowly, but it's coming off. Plus I exercise. Excellent write, Tom.
If I want to flush my system, I always eat at Mickey D's, as it must be the grease or the meat they cook...either way, I get your point and totally agree...I may be a bit too heavy, but I will NEVER allow myself to be this (see above) nuts...loved this one, TK...take care & don't eat till your full, you are better off...Ed
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Georg
Love,
Chanti Lace xoxo
Poop a Pound!
Sounds like the key to life, to me. And once again, I think dogs must be smarter than us - they often poop two or three times a day!
Be always safe,
Karen
(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.
In Spirit,
Bear