"Water water everywhere -
but not a drop to drink!"

Read on, MacDuff!

DRINK ANYONE?

© - Tom Hyland - 2-20-10

In Paradise, The Garden of Eden,
I’m guessing that Adam and Eve
Had only one solitary Choice -
Water - Agua - H2O.

Then, they ate The Forbidden Fruit
From The Tree of Knowledge -
Supposedly, it was the Apple Tree.
Thus, endowed with some ‘Smarts’ -

T’would then seem that their Second Choice
Might well have been ‘Apple Juice’?
Face it - they Knew That -
“An Apple a Day keeps the Doctor Away!”

Chronologically then, it would Follow,
That when Eve reached a certain Term
Carrying Cain - she started Lactating -
Perhaps, purely out of curiosity,
Adam Tasted that ‘Forbidden Fruit’ - Milk?

So - now we have Three Liquids from which to Choose.
But, after the First-Born was Delivered,
And the Newborn Babe got First Choice -
The “Old Man” had to look Elsewhere!

Was it a Goat, or a Cow, that next gave him Suck?
Paps, was the archaic term, way back Then -
As opposed to Pabst, which came much Later!
Be that as it may, the Plot now begins to Thicken.

Next thing you know - Bingo!
Ole Eve is ‘With Child’ yet Again!
But, now concerned with her ‘Girlish Figure’
Maybe Abel was the First ‘Bottle Baby’?

Parenthetically, did you know That -
Man is the Only Animal that drinks Milk
From Another Animal?
Es Verdad, Amigos!

So - by and by, in some later Generation -
Somebody accidentally squashes some Grapes,
The Fermented juice is Consumed,
And VOILA! Wine enters the Scene!

Was it not Isaac, who was ‘Drunk with Wine’
When his Second son, Jacob, fooled Him -
And Stole Esau’s Birth-right?
To This Day, the Jews and Arabs Fight over This!

Eventually, more and more Generations are Born -
And Somebody discovers that Water,
Added to fermented Grains produces Another Drink,
And Beer is Born!

As Mankind advances rapidly with Knowledge,
Experimentation, and Technology -
It finds that many, many Fruits can become Wine.
Grapes, Cherries, Peaches, Pears, Plums -
Hell - even Dandelion Wine!

Alcohol leads to Alcoholism -
And its many Repercussions -
Physical Abuse - Mental Abuse -
God Bless Drunkenness!

By and by, Somebody - perhaps the Ancient Chinese?
Discover that leaves from various and sundry Herbs -
Have Medicinal Properties - and Tea is Born!
Green, Orange-Pekoe, Black, Ginger, Herbal -
And many, many years later - even ‘Earl Grey’!

Lipton’s, Tetley, Red Rose, Twynham’s -
And many more Trademarked Brands
Eventually Sprang Up.
“Tea Time” and “Tea For Two”
Became quite Prominent.

Remember “A&P”? Another Trademark -
The Great Atlantic and Pacific Tea Company -
They founded thousands of Retail Establishments,
Once called ‘Grocery Stores’ - or ‘Super-Markets’!

Somewhere along the Line - Someone discovered Sugar!
Sugar Cane, Sugar Beet, Sugar Maple, Sugar Corn -
New sources of Sweetness, that were Preceded
By Honey - which Man Stole from Honey-Bee Hives!

This, naturally, led to more and more Trademarks -
Soda, Soda Pop, Pop - Oops!
Just discovered a new Word - Popliteal -
‘Part of the Leg, behind the Knee Joint!

Soda - “a refreshment made with flavored carbonated Water
And ice Cream, usually served in a tall Glass.”
Coke, Pepsi, Royal Crown, 7-Up, Nehi, Yoo-Hoo -
And - more, more, more Trademarks!

Today’s Epidemic Proportions of Diabetes -
And Obesity in both Children and Adults
Can be Attributed to this Fine Discovery!
Boy! That ‘Tree of Knowledge’ has worked Wonders!

Oops! Accidentally omitted another Drink -
Whiskey - Liquor - Liqueur - Brandy - Gin - Vodka -
Stronger forms of Alcohol which Certainly
Take their Toll in Family Break-Ups and Job Losses -
Not to mention Drunk-Driving Accidents!

So - There you have It -
How Mankind has managed to Add
All kinds of Additives and Chemicals
To God’s Perfect Thirst-Quenching Liquid -
WATER - H2O - RAIN - SNOW - ICE.


DRINK ANYONE?


© - TKH.