“I’ve lost my mind,

Or my mind’s lost me.”

Andy James Turner

“Well, it’s Ok for Ed to get his removed,

But I want mine replaced – with bigger ones!”

Kate Burnside

I went in for a routine surgical procedure

To have a lump removed from my head

But just before the gas put me to sleep

I swear this is what my wife said

“Doctor, besides removing that nasty lump,

Can you also do another little thing or two?

Like making him more prone to my commands,

And like inserting this giant mind control screw?”

They haven’t let me look into any mirrors yet

But my lovely wife says that I look really good

And for some reason I’m beginning to believe her

Since quite oddly I now think all husbands should

And Nurse Ratched did give me a nice donut

When I woke up from my gaseous stupor

And all the women around this hospital

Do claim that I now look really really super

But my wife keeps laughing quite hysterically

At Little Andy’s heartfelt Eulogy/Good Wishes

And she’s insisting that I should be laughing too

But I’m afraid I might bust open some of these stitches

I’m also beginning to wonder just a little

Why they have now chained me to this bed

And I swear that I thought my name was Eddie

But they all keep calling me ‘Franken Ed’ instead

Thank You One and All

For Your Very Kind Wishes

My wife claims that I’ll be just fine

Once these screws stop their bloody itches

“Nurse, can I have another donut, please?!”

“No, Franken Ed; go to sleep now.”

“Yes, Nurse Ratched.”

©2005, Franken Ed Kostro