“What kind of clown am I?

What do I know of life?

Why can’t I cast away the mask of play and live my life?

Why can’t I fall in love, till I don’t give a damn?

And maybe then I’ll know what kind of fool I am.”

Leslie Bricuse and Anthony Newley,

What Kind of Fool Am I

This year I had planned the most perfect April Fool’s trick

As I raced down the road to get supplies I was feeling slick

But suddenly a police squad car appeared out of nowhere

And the surly looking officer soon yelled, “Pull Over There!”

I obeyed his command and cursed these modern radar guns

Another damn speeding ticket had quickly erased all my fun

As he approached my vehicle I sheepishly asked, “How fast was I going?”

And his response threw me for a loop, “Why, I have no way of knowing.”

“I’m afraid, Sir, that you are wanted on a much more serious charge;

One of your neighbors says you’ve been a Peeping Tom in her yard.”

“What?!  That’s absurd.  I told Mrs. Johnson that I was trapping a feral cat.”

“The complaint says you were peeping in her window, as a matter of fact.”

“Now get in the back of my squad car, I have to take you in to the station.”

I was now feeling quite sick and gone was any trace of my former elation

As I sullenly sat in the back of the police car I was feeling both angry and very sad

This obviously deranged animal hating neighbor had now gotten me furiously mad

That’s when the police officer said that I should call someone to arrange bail

He also suggested that I should ask them to quickly meet us over at the jail

So I very nervously got on my cell phone and called my extremely busy wife

Thinking how upsetting this would be for her – I soon got the shock of my life

“You’ve been arrested for being a Peeping Tom?  Now that has got to be cool!

And by the way, Dear Husband, who do you now think is The Biggest April Fool?”

And that’s when the police officer started laughing too as he shook my hand

“I have to hand it to your wife; some women often find payback to be grand!”

He was still laughing very heartily as he soon quickly sped away

And my darling wife had finally trumped me on this April Fool’s Day

Suddenly I no longer felt like implementing my devilish plan against her

This was truly a revolting situation and the tables had finally been turned

Instead I wearily drove home and found myself going to bed extremely early

She had somehow managed to finally ‘one-up’ me and I was feeling very surly

But as I was finally falling asleep a huge smile and a wonderful idea appeared

And I very smugly realized that I could plan this epic prank – for nearly a year!

“What kind of clown is She?

What does She know of life?

Next April Fool’s Day,

I’m going to pay back my wife.”

Definitely To Be Continued…

©2005, Eddie ‘I’ve Been Had’ Kostro