“Ed had no idea they filmed this,

The room was stale as death;

When Frumpy fell upon her knees,

Kissed Ed's toes .........and….. wept”

From Queen A Pax’s Latest Fiendish Poem,

The Light Side of Cookies

And now I’ll end the cliffhanging suspense for all who wish to know

My sister Frumpy wept when she kissed Ed’s big hairy toes on that isle

Because she very disgustedly realized that this was not her brother at all

Not one scent of cookie could she smell – only toe jam – and man it was vile

HO HO HO!

(Sorry, Sis!)

(But I’ve Owed You One Since Birth)

(Mother Confessed That It Was Your Idea

To Abandon Me in the Woods)

Little had the extremely evil queen A Pax known

In self defense I had learned to make ogre decoys

While she thought I was trapped on that hellish island

I pen this from within my ogre cave now filled with joy

And I hadn’t planned on revealing the photo

That My friend Montgomery Mole sent to me

But it seems  that the ‘Good’ Queen A Pax

Keeps mercilessly  attacking me with glee

This is a very recent photo of the ‘good’ queen

Taken deep inside the Cookieville dungeon walls

And despite her proclamations on behalf of Cookies

Even an old cookie ogre like myself is truly appalled

I eat cookies because I have no choice in the matter

Devouring cookies is part of every cookie ogre’s DNA

But I would never go to the obvious lengths that she does

To torture and torment them in such truly horrific evil ways

According to Monty whom I believe is a very creditable source

Despite what you’ve most definitely heard from her to the contrary

‘Good’ Queen A Pax runs those deep dark dungeons with an iron fist

And mandatory visits to them by her ‘cherished ones’ are hideously scary

Montgomery claims that she delights in her daily cookie people experimentation

In which she merrily dices and slices and injects and probes and administers pain

Until this queen is totally convinced that each and every one of her cookie subjects

Is finally intimidated enough into crying  out “Long May Our Queen A Pax Reign”

And Dungeon Guard Monty was on duty the night of her alleged dungeon escape

He and several other guards swear that her ‘Escape’ was in fact a slick PR gimmick

She and Sir Bergman Chiselpecks were actually heading off on yet another vacation

And I hope you will all now realize that her evil treachery truly has absolutely no limits

But Alas even the very secret doings and plottings of an evil queen

Can sometimes completely backfire on them and very quickly go awry

She inadvertently employed a wacky Captain who quickly got them marooned

And now - knowing that she’s only trapped a decoy - she probably wants to cry

(The Vile Old Ogre Decoy Also Has a Listening Device

Cleverly Implanted Somewhere inside His Vile Wretched Body)

(Here’s what they’re actually saying on that island, right now:)

“Bergie Dahling, You Promised Me a Romantic Getaway,

Not This Frightfully Dreadful One Star Rated Hellish Isle;

And now we don’t even have that Cookie Ogre here to torment,

Frumpy discovered that the one we have is fake, and wretchedly vile.”

“I’m dreadfully sorry, my flour coated, sugar and spice scented, Evil Queen,

I know you looked forward to torturing him, as you do those tiny Cookies;

But right now, Your Royal Malevolence, I suggest we try to figure out,

Just how the hell - to get the hell out - of this most embarrassing scene…”

“Oh, Bergie Dahling!  I love when you talk dirty to me…”

- To Be Continued -

Post Script: In terrible fear of retribution

For sending me this hidden camera photo,

Montgomery Mole quit his dungeon job,

Completely changed his identity,

And re-located to Cakeville.

Luckily, there was a vacancy

In the Cakeville Dungeon.

Monty reports that their queen

Is a lot nicer than ours.

(And the Cake Ogre is one Lucky Guy.)

Note to Reporter Ms. Mighty Red:

Please Feel Free to Use This Graphic Photo

In Your new ‘Evil Cookie Queen Exposed’ Story;

I think a Pulitzer awaits you.

And Some Final Notes to the Queen:

You might want to assign Captain Sprinkles

The job of retrieving that decoy’s listening device;

He probably can’t smell anything anyway.

And torturing him won’t do you any good;

He Knows Zilch – even my hounds howl at him.

(No, not Captain Sprinkles – the ogre decoy)

And No, I won’t pay a ransom to get the decoy back;

Tell Frumpy she can keep him, but she might want

To thoroughly clean his feet first – He doesn’t know how.

Ho Ho Ho!

(Actually, I owed my sister two!)

Little had the extremely evil queen A Pax known

In self defense I had learned to make ogre decoys

While she thought I was trapped on that hellish island

I penned this response in my ogre cave filled with ogre joy

©2006, The Real Ogre Ed

Special Note to Chrissy:

Wanna Switch Sides?

I Would Never Make Your Character

Kiss Anyone’s Toes – Especially an Ogre’s.

YUCK!

(I told you she was evil.)