“I am Dave Sometimesisquat,

I have been to other planets;

I know the truth of Ogre Ed,

Now Listen to me, Dammit…”

From An Extremely Sad Poem

By the ‘Good’ Queen A Pax,

Entitled,  A Message From Beyond

I hadn’t thought about wild eyed Dave

In many a long lonely ogre’s year somehow

But the evil queen’s very latest wicked poem

Brought his tragic story spinning back to me now

I first met demented Dave Sometimesisquat

At a small group therapy session for tormented souls

I was there because I had been transformed into an ogre

From eating those vile magical cookies from A Pax’s trolls

And as I very nervously stood up in front of the group

Trying to explain my very sad and tragic heart wrenching tale

Wild Eyed Dave Sometimesisquat suddenly jumped up from his chair

And the poor demented wild eyed man’s quivering face soon began to pale

“You Mean?… You Mean?... Are You Saying, Ogre Ed?

That you ate some of those delicious troll cookies, too?

And those scrumptious cookies made you look.. made you look...

So hideously ugly and hairy?”  - Wild Eyed Dave was now turning blue

“Yes, my poor demented fellow victim wickedly deceived by A Pax and her trolls,

I am cursed to walk this earth for the rest of my days as an ogre, my sad sad friend;

And you, Alas,  you, it seems received their vile mind control potions in your cookies,

And you, Alas, you, have been forced to believe in Aliens until your own bloody end.”

I never saw poor demented Dave Sometimesisquat again after that tragic session

But some of my friends tell me that he still wanders aimlessly through the realm

He’s often spotted with a bottle of vodka in his terribly weak and tremulous hands

Screaming, “Ogre Ed and I were both on that ship, with those aliens at the helm…

Why won’t anyone believe me, Dammit???!!!  WHY???!!!”

And now it truly saddens me that this evil queen

Has dragged this poor demented soul into our war

Has she no pity or mercy at all for anyone on this earth

These very underhanded war techniques of hers I must abhor

And now as I once again weep myself to sleep with my cookies and my milk

I find myself leafing through one of those dreadful tabloids in my old ogre’s bed

And Lo and Behold what should my wretchedly sad old ogre eyes now sadly spot

“Aliens Are Really Behind Ogre Ed’s Cookie Rampage!” a story by Mighty Read

More Treachery, and Now Dreadful Tabloids

From This Truly Wicked and Deceitful A Pax

And Now She Uses Yet Other Truly Wretched Souls

In Her Never Ending Campaign - To Stab Me in the Back

Would You Believe Anything That Poor Wretched Soul

In That Extremely Heart Wrenching Picture Above Says?

That Is The Question You Must All Ask Yourselves Now

 

And if they're getting Cable TV,

On that extremely remote, uncharted island,

Her evil powers are far greater

Than Even I Had Ever Imagined

(Television reception in the old ogre cave is dreadful)

(My hellish hounds complain about it all the time)

And I Wonder

Now I Truly Have to Wonder

Just How Many Other A Pax Victims - Are Out There

(I shudder to think what evil ingredients she now places

In Captain Sprinkle’s Addictive Cookie Sprinkles;

Alas, he was once a dear old friend of mine)

And Now Learning that her Beau Chiselpecks

And My Tricky Wicked Sister Frumpy

Are Romantically Involved

May Have Truly Sent Her Over the Bloody Edge

Of Her Evil Lies and Deceit and Treachery

(As If That Were My Fault, Too)

(I haven’t even seen Frumpy since birth,

When she convinced our dear old Mum

To abandon me in the forest to fend for myself)

(Now that was extremely wicked of her)

(Luckily, a pack of wild forest hounds found me ,

And one of their females raised me as one of her own)

(And it was their sage old leader, Grandfather Hound,

Who first warned me about those extremely evil A Pax trolls

In that dark eerie evil cottage she owns in the woods)

(If Only I had listened to Wise Old Grandfather – if Only)

©2006, A Once Again Extremely Sad Hearted, Ogre Ed