“These sea lions have bellied up to an endangered salmon buffet,

And they will be eating thousands and thousands of these fish,

Right here, this Spring, if we don’t do something about it!”

A Congressman

“We've tried calling these sea lions names,

We've tried throwing cherry bombs at them,

We've tried shocking them.

They've basically said - there's a free salmon meal here.”

Another Congressman

(And These Sadly, Are Real Quotes)

Unbelievably,

A war is now being waged

On our Pacific Northwest Coast

A war between human beings and animals

A war in which mankind should hardly boast

Pacific Coast Sea Lions have been protected

Under the federal Marine Mammal Protection Act

Pacific Salmon are on the Endangered Species List

Because they face extinction and are vanishing fast

And way back in 1991, The American Fisheries Society

Warned that over 200 species of salmon would disappear

If we didn’t stop polluting our waters and over-fishing them

But no one cared, and I doubt if any humans at all shed a tear

But today, as protected sea lions eat endangered salmon, to survive

Many state and federal officials want to start murdering the sea lions

Even though for the past 16 years, we did nothing to protect these fish

Which really makes me want to give up on mankind, and just stop trying

Yet some still insist,

That we are the most intelligent beings,

On this planet.

A 1991 report by the American Fisheries Society demonstrated that at least 214 of some 400 species of salmon, steelhead trout, and sea-run cutthroat trout in the Northwest and in California were at great risk of extinction. This report also indicated that 106 species of salmon were already extinct.

And many of the still remaining salmon stocks in 1991 were already being seriously threatened by what are known as the ‘Four H's’: Habitat destruction, Hydroelectric dams on migratory rivers, over-Harvest, and severe competition for food sources from Hatchery bred fish.

Some of these Pacific Salmon were so severely reduced by these 4-Hs that they were listed as endangered or threatened under the Endangered Species Act. ‘Endangered’ means that they were very likely to become extinct. ‘Threatened’ means that they were very likely to become ‘endangered’ in the near future.

So what have we humans done to improve the ‘4-Hs’ for these endangered and threatened salmon since 1991?  Virtually nothing at all.

And now, 16 years later, what are we humans finally doing in a desperate attempt to save these fish from pending extinction?  We want to kill the protected sea lions – that by their very nature, eat fish.

The Oregon and Washington fish and wildlife departments are already hazing these sea lions in an attempt to deter them from preying on spawning runs of endangered chinook salmon and steelhead.

Using embarrassing and inhumane deterrents such as shooting them with rubber buckshot, tossing cherry bombs and underwater firecrackers at them (and yelling and cursing a lot), crews of Official Sea Lion Hazers are now working full time - seven days a week - in an effort to drive these sea lions away from nearly extinct salmon now congregating below Pacific coast dams.

And I’m sure the tons of buckshot and fireworks residue now settling to the bottom of the water will enhance its purity, something else we haven’t concerned ourselves with – ever.

In fact, it may even help kill these salmon even faster.

“But our goal is to change these sea lions’ behavior,” proclaims a member of the Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife.

“Predation by sea lions on these endangered salmon is a fairly recent phenomenon, and we don’t want any more of them learning this behavior.  We want them to recognize that this is not a good place to find an easy meal.”

Say What?!  Sea Lions eating fish is a fairly recent phenomenon?!  Hmm…

And their natural habitat isn’t a good place for them to find a meal?!  Double Hmm…

Perhaps they should go to the supermarket, and pay exorbitant prices, like the rest of us.

And even more bizarre, after mankind did nothing all these years to protect these salmon, fish and wildlife managers in Oregon, Washington, and Idaho have now jointly applied to the federal government for permission to use lethal means to remove sea lions that prey on endangered salmon and steelhead trout.

And based on those truly bizarre quotes above by our elected officials, I’d say they’ll soon be getting their killing permits.

“In the meantime, we need to do everything we can to protect our remaining fish resources,” says one of the suddenly very concerned fish and wildlife managers.

Can someone please donate some more buckshot and firecrackers to these very environmentally concerned folks?  This war may go on for a little while – at least until all the salmon are eaten or they become extinct.

And is it just me?  Or are we perhaps really the dumbest species on this planet? After doing nothing ourselves to protect these salmon all these years, we now go to war with the completely defenseless sea lion – for naturally eating fish that now dangle on the edge of extinction – because of our own stupidity and callousness.

But I think I’m finally beginning to understand what our President meant, when he proclaimed a few years back that he believed fish and man could live in peace – at least until all the fish are dead.

I guess we just can’t live in peace with these greedy sea lions, though – they eat too many of ‘our’ precious endangered fish – these damned selfish, greedy, old sea lions.

And rumor has it that a massive human army will soon be heading north – to Alaska.  It seems that some damned old grizzly bears are eating our endangered salmon up there, as well, and I’m sure our very diligent and concerned leaders won’t let them get away with that either.

I wonder if we could convince these sea lions and bears to start eating wieners instead of fish – we seem to have an overabundance of those around these days.

©2007, A Shame Filled Human Being