“The greatest gift,

Is a portion of thyself.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

My dogs had been pestering me for awhile

For a delightful romp in our favorite meadow

So the five of us very eagerly set off at first light

To a sacred place, where the wild cow pies grow

My dogs have always enjoyed rolling in them

I’ve always enjoyed flinging them like a Frisbee

I’ve even had occasion to use them as a natural fuel

They’ve always provided such warmth and tranquility

As the five of us very merrily romped in that meadow

I happened upon a magnificent heart shaped specimen

Suddenly, I felt like a very young school boy in love

With this pie, my loving sentiments, to her, I could send

After we returned home, very late yesterday afternoon

I rushed to my workshop, and I began working feverishly

Shining, and varnishing, and inscribing, with so much care

At dinner, I proudly presented my gift to her, filled with glee

She took a look at my masterpiece, laughed so sarcastically,

And later on in the evening, I watched her toss it into the trash

How could I have been so wrong about this very loving memento

Which proclaimed my undying love, which was truly meant to last

When I got up in the middle of the night, which I now often do

I retrieved it from the trash, and to the outhouse with me it went

It now has a very honored place, right here, on the crapper’s shelf

And every day, it will remind me of the true love, to her, that I sent

And although I’m now consumed with those dreaded Cow Pie Blues

I have one consolation, knowing she will again find it here when I die

And I can just picture her standing here now, admiring it so very fondly

Soon devoutly placing it on the mantle, with a loving teardrop in her eye

Or, she just might very quickly sell it on E-Bay,

And make yet another bundle of cold hard cash,

I cannot believe that she sold her Nightcrawler Necklace,

It, too, was made with a lot of love, and it was gone, so fast

†2007, A Very Crappy Feeling, Mr. Ed

(But Maybe It Was Just Those Spicy Tacos)