News Reports

Are Often Far Stranger

Than Fiction Could Ever Be

“Every time I leave my office,

They’re sitting at my desk,

And at my computer.

I can’t seem to get rid of the darn things.”

Police Captain Richard Harrison

A very eerie thing is happening

In the town of Springfield, Oregon

About 75 gnome lawn ornaments

Gathered on a home owner’s lawn

Was this some sort of ancient gnome convention

Was this some kind of message to the home owner

Have all these gnomes now taken on a life of their own

Will they inspire other gnomes to embark in national terror

Frightened beyond belief, the home owner soon called the police

Who quickly dispatched officers to round up these roving gnomes

And now, they’re wreaking havoc at the Springfield Police Station

Taking over the Police Chief’s desk, computer, and even his phone

Now, several of my lawn ornaments are acting very strange

I found them all huddled right outside our bedroom window

And yesterday, my spouse found them blocking the driveway

Now she is far too frightened to leave the house, refusing to go

Our gnomes must somehow be in contact with those in Springfield

And I’d bet that your gnome lawn ornaments are up to something now

It might be best if everyone starts keeping an eye on their own gnomes

And now I wonder if our pink flamingoes will also come to life somehow

And unbelievably, our dogs are now refusing to heed the call of nature

On our front or back lawn, instinctively preferring that of our neighbor

She doesn’t have any extremely eerie lawn ornaments lurking all about

I’m betting she soon calls the police to report devilish creatures with fur

Most Animals are Extremely Intuitive,

I’d Bet My Dogs Know What’s Going On;

I’d Suggest That Everyone Keep Very Alert,

And Watch Your Own Front and Back Lawns.

†2007, Mr. Ed

“The Truth is Out There.”

FBI Agent Fox Mulder