“Pee Wee, while you’re off camping in the woods,
Maybe your wife and I could go to the mall?!”
Brother Jersey Ed
He’s written about his Xylophobia
And he can’t conquer this, himself
And now that dear old Mom knows
Of course, she’s now giving me hell
“Pee Wee Ed, you just have to help your brother Jersey,
When he was three, he got a big old splinter in his finger;
But I never knew that he still had a fear of anything ‘wooden,’
Or, that after all these years, his forest fright would still linger!”
So, being the caring and considerate brother that I’ve always been
I offered to take Jersey on a week-long camping trip in the woods
Ma thought that this might actually cure her phobic old Jersey Ed son
“A week in the woods with you, Pee Wee, would do him some good!”
To me, camping is sleeping out under the stars in the forest
And listenin to the old timber wolves, howlin up at the moon
Eatin beans, drinkin beer, and tellin ghost stories by a campfire
Bein awakened at dawn, by the mysterious, eerie wail of a loon
But, of course, Brother Jersey already had his ridiculous demands
He wanted to ‘camp’ in the northwood, in a luxurious motorhome
He wanted his air-conditioning, a nice comfy bed, and a microwave
So, of course, I told Brother Jersey Ed that he may as well stay home
So, I guess that now, it’s gotta be up to Brother Edvard, to help him
Maybe old Edvard could take Jersey on a trip to the woods in Sweden
At least that’s what I’m gonna tell dear old Ma, when she calls me again
I had to come up with something, or she’ll keep bugging me without end
So, How About It, Very Wise Old Brother Edvard,
Can I Tell Ma That You’re Gonna Help Jersey Out?
I Should Warn You, He Also Has ‘Fear of Flying Coach,’
So, He’s Gonna Have To Fly First Class, Without a Doubt.
And Ma Says To Tell You That Brother Jersey Also Has:
Ablutophobia- Fear of Washing or Bathing
Agrizoophobia- Fear of Wild Animals
Ailurophobia- Fear of Cats
Anthophobia- Fear of Flowers
Arachnophobia- Fear of Spiders
Bogyphobia- Fear of The Bogeyman
Bufonophobia- Fear of Horny Toads
Coprastasophobia- Fear of Constipation
Dendrophobia- Fear of Trees
Entomophobia- Fear of Insects
Herpetophobia- Fear of Reptiles
Isopterophobia- Fear of Wood-Eating Bugs
Lachanophobia- Fear of Vegetables
Limnophobia- Fear of Lakes
Melissophobia- Fear of Bees
Myrmecophobia- Fear of Ants
Nebulaphobia- Fear of The Fog
Nyctohylophobia- Fear of Dark Places
Ombrophobia- Fear of Being Rained On
Ornithophobia- Fear of Birds
Parasitophobia- Fear of Parasites
Ranidaphobia- Fear of Frogs
Scoleciphobia- Fear of Worms
Suriphobia- Fear of Mice
Tonitrophobia- Fear of Thunder
And, of Course,
Xylophobia- Fear of Wooden Objects and Forests
Good Luck, Brother Edvard:
Maybe You Should Just Take Him
To A Swedish Shopping Mall,
Buy Him a Real Nice Postcard
With a Picture of a Swedish Forest,
Have Him Sign It,
And Mail It To Ma!
(And I Sure Hope She Never Reads This.)
©2009, I Give Up, Brother Pee Wee Ed
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you guys keep me coming back to the Den
Peace be with you all
William
is gonna hafta hide from all those names, i hope he
can fergiv ya...maybe rufuz can comfert him,Edvard
please take him to sweden an help him
Now you've gone & done it - hung out all his dirty secrets to dry in the wind -
and like he done said - all your s*** on the street ...
You & Edvard should get him a couple of really HOT SWEDISH BABES -
for a little "One on Two!" -
that might blow his mind into a state of Euphoria for a while!
or - at least a double shot of XYLO-caine for his XYLO-phobia et al ...
TK
(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :/
Just wait till the day comes when I put all your s*** on the street for all to know about...Jersey Ed
Ole Edvard
PS, will send Ma postcards with decent and appropriate dressed Swedish
Thanks for all the 'phobias' . . . well done as always!!
Blessings,
Lance
Fee
(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.