Swedish Meatballs - Chapter V (poem) by Mr. Ed on AuthorsDen

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Swedish Meatballs - Chapter V

by Mr. Ed — Read all 1,530 poems by Mr. Ed

Thursday, October 15, 2009

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“Hey baby, do you like fine dining?

‘Cause you know what?

I got a corpse in the freezer,

With your name on it.”

Old Brother Edvard

Edvard’s Big Party is now approaching

And Ma is real worried, that he can’t cook

“Sonny Boy, I’m just gonna have to teach ya;

To your old kitchen, let’s now go take a look.”

“But, Ma…”

“Yikes! This place is quite a fright,

You must very rarely, have guests;

Now, start cleaning up this place,

We need to get it looking, it’s best.”

“But, Ma…”

“And, I better start a huge ingredients list,

You know that Pee Wee Ed loves his cookies;

And, we have to make more Swedish Meatballs,

And some sugar free treats for your brother Jersey.”

“But, Ma…”

“What? Do you want all of your guests, to starve?

I thought that you invited a huge, ravenous crew;

Now surely, Sonny, some of them eat regular food,

They cannot all be blood thirsty vampires, like you!”

“But, Ma…”

“And you keep that apron on,

While we’re cookin and bakin!”

“Aw, Ma…”

And I sure hope that our dear old Ma,

Shows him how to make Gingerbread Men;

I really, really like to bite their big heads off,

And then, I like tossin my dogs, their rear ends!

Go, Ma, Go!!!

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Reviewed by Ann Scarborough

Reviewed on October 25, 2009

This is great!!!
annie

Reviewed by Tom poesyco.th@gmail.com

Reviewed on October 18, 2009

PEEWEE - JOISEY - EDVARD THE AARDVARK - MA - MISCELLANEOUS GHOULISH GUESTS -

1. What do West Virginians DO for Halloween ?
2. Why can't Witches have Babies ?
3. Who Killed Cock Robin ?

Those who get all 3 Answers Correct get a Prize -
All the Remaining 'HORS DRAWERS ORTS ... LEFTOVERS
at the End of the Main Meal ...

MA'S SWEDISH MEATBALLS RECIPE:-

1 - DOLLOP OF DINGBAT = EDVARD AARDVARK'S - SNOUT-SNOT !
2 - DASHES OF DERVISH DEW = PEEWEE'S - WARTHOG EAR-WAX EXTRACTION !
3 - PINCHES OF JOISEY DEVIL'S - DISGUSTING DELECTABLE DEVILED EGG DINGLE-BERRY DUNG !
4 - TABLE-SPOONS OF LA BELLE'S - LACKADAISICAL LAP-DANCE LOTION !
5 - FORKFULS OF WOLFMAN'S - PULLED PORK FLATULENT FANG FANTASY !
6 - SOCKFULS OF SECRETED TOE-CHEESE SAUCE FROM KATE'S - CULINARY KITCHEN !
7 - JIGGERS OF INDIAN JOES'S = KICKAPOO JOY JUICE GELATIN !
8 - OUNCES OF JASMIN JAZZMAN'S - JASMINE TEA JALEPENO HORMONE CONCOCTION !
9 - NIBLETS OF TEXAS' TWINS - TWANGY TERIYAKI TERRAPIN/TORTOISE/TAIL TAPIOCA !
10 - AND THE PIE'CE DE RE'SISTANCE ...

SIXTY-NINE POUNDS OF - MALODOROUS MANGY MUSKRAT MEAT !!! YUM-YUM!

MAY YOUR BALLS - OF MEAT - MARINATE IN MUSHY MUSHROOM MARINADE ... MUCHLY!

TOM 'THE TERRIBLE' TONGUE-TWISTING TELEPATHICAL TELEKENISIS TRANSPORTER!

OH - ANSWERS?

1. PUMP ... KIN ...
2. HUSBAND’S HAVE HOLLOW WEENIES!
3. MA - WITH HER RECIPE!!!

Reviewed by m j hollingshead

Reviewed on October 17, 2009

i teach the little people to first bite off the legs so they cannot run away, enjoyed the read

Reviewed by Lori Moore

Reviewed on October 16, 2009

I think I'd fast.

Reviewed by La Belle Rouge Poetess Of The Heart

Reviewed on October 16, 2009

Now she has him taking cooking lessons!!! What next? No don't tell me.

Reviewed by OnepoetGem *the Poetic Rapper

Reviewed on October 15, 2009

fun write Ed, of course I don't know about tossing any parts of the gingerbread man, dogs would be grudging

Reviewed by Ankin Timourian

Reviewed on October 15, 2009

This is so funny, Ed! I love unique creativity and sense of humor in you. I also laughed on old brother Georg's comment - such a good friends you all are.
Love, Ankin

Reviewed by Patrick Granfors

Reviewed on October 15, 2009

So who's making the gravy (or more to the point do we want to know what's in it) for these meatballs? Sorry the Buzzard's rat gravy is out. Patrick

Reviewed by E T Waldron

Reviewed on October 15, 2009

bro pee weeeeeeeeee ma is so worried,an i told her i was going to help edvard,she got even more worried, now i wonder if it was the ghoul saliva soup i had her taste, ya think? oh well you keep us laughing with your pen,and i'll try to make ma happy with my pots;-)

Reviewed by Kate Burnside

Reviewed on October 15, 2009

... I'd get those appliances checked before you start - unless blown-apart party hosts is what's on your hors d'oevures (horse/hearse doofers??) list. I take it those bunsen burners are fired straight from the pits of hell? A copy of Devils Kitchen Delights recipe book should be in every guest's Party Bag - accompanied by a rotting taster of EdVard's Codpiece Fingers...

Reviewed by Ed Matlack

Reviewed on October 15, 2009

That kitchen reminds me of the asylum, oh what wonderful memories that picture invokes...hope when Edvark is done with your grinding you are sugar free for me...Ed

Reviewed by Ray { The Great Canadian Buzzard }

Reviewed on October 15, 2009

I hope Edvard makes chocolate chip, or peanut butter cookies I like those
I'm glad your Ma is on the ball or we all may starve :)
Have a good one
The Buzzard

Reviewed by Mary Jones

Reviewed on October 15, 2009

swedish meatballs here we go....wheres the 6th chapter? i'm chomping at the bit to see what's on the menue next. boy is this going to be some halloween party
love and hugs
mary etta

Reviewed by Christine Alwin

Reviewed on October 15, 2009

....well at least he plans on treating you with tenderizing care....lol
I don't think we have heard the end....love the mother and son portrait by the way...you should put it on canvas for him for a Christmas gift :)

Reviewed by JASMIN HORST SEILER

Reviewed on October 15, 2009

I think you are getting to him, he's grinding his teeth, I can hear it all the way from here, yeah, and make sure you take all that rust of tha meat grinder, you could get blood poisoning, I'll leave the rest up to the girls. Blessings! Jasmin Horst

Reviewed by Georg Mateos

Reviewed on October 15, 2009

PeeWee, dear brother, out of my kind heart I have reserved for you to sleep in my rusty meat-grinder, in the morning you will find yourself tenderized by my brotherly care, Tiger Lily will be pushing and La Belle turning that old handle to massage all those mean bones of yours. (we will throwing in some cookies too as Ma sings you a lullaby there too!)

EDvard, kindess and meanest Ole Brother

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