Inspired By A.D. Member Tom Hyland,
His Recent Ed Posts: ‘To Sirs, With Luv,’
And A Trip To The Old Ed Family Archives
“I'm Cold! No, I'm Hot! I Hate All These Bugs!
Our Ma Really Hates Me! Our Pa Deserted Me!
My Brother Pee Wee, He Ran Off With a Squaw!
Seagulls Squawk Too Much and Crap on My Head!
My Old Arse Itches! My Hemorrhoids Hurt!
My Aching Feet Stink! Nobody Loves Me!
I Can’t Even Afford a Flea-Bitten Old Hound!
And Man, I Sure Hope The Natives Don’t Attack!”
Old Edward of Landisville
“EDWARD, I HEREBY DUB THEE: ‘SIR WUSS-A-LOT!’”
Old Lord Thomas Bawlmer
Many know the epic old story of Don Quixote
Who had always dreamt, that Impossible Dream
But many don’t know ‘The Tale of Old Wuss-A-Lot’
It’s sort of a twisted American version, it would seem
It takes place in the early days of America’s colonization
When titled landowners, were carving out massive estates
They often employed guards, hired to protect their interests
And, Alas, poor old Edward of Landisville, this was his fate
But old Edward truly hated working out in those primitive conditions
He hated all types of weather, and all insects, and he feared the Indians
He had always wanted to be a rich and titled, noble landowner, himself
But Alas, life often is not fair; he would be his Cousin’s Guard, to the end
And, each and every day, as he patrolled outside Lord Bawlmer’s huge estate
He cursed his lot in life, and he composed epic poems, depicting his unjust place
They say that he became quite delusional, calling Bawlmer a Cur and a Reprobate
As he stood guard, year after year, ranting, gobs of bird poop oozing down his face
“I'm Cold! No, I'm Hot! I Really Hate All These Damned Bugs!
I Can’t Even Afford a Flea-Bit Old Dog! Our Ma Really Hates Me!
Our Pa Deserted Me! My Brother Pee Wee Ran Off With a Squaw!
I Should Have Moved West To Live With My Dear Sister Tiger Lily!
My Wretched Old Cousin Tom - ‘A Noble Lord’ - Gimme A Break!
These Seagulls Squawk Too Damned Much, and They Crap on Me!
My Old Arse Really Itches! My Hemorrhoids Hurt!
My Aching Feet Really Stink! And, Nobody Loves Me!
And Man, Oh, Man, I Sure Hope The Natives Don’t Attack!”
Old Edward of Landisville
“Cranky Old Cousin Edward, I Hereby Dub Thee: ‘Sir Wuss-A-Lot;’
Now, cease all that ranting, so I can count all the riches that I’ve got!”
Old Lord Thomas Bawlmer
And, on the Jersey shoreline today, near old Sea Isle City,
An old bronze statue of Sir Wuss-A-Lot, still stands guard;
The locals say that the seagulls still pay their homage to him,
Some of their tributes are fresh; some are old, crusty, and hard.
And just about each and every night now at the old statue’s top,
A family of tiny insects or crabs discover he makes a comfy bed;
And today, I have to wonder, if they, too, still tell their offspring,
This strange and intriguing old tale, about Old Sir Wuss-A-Lot Ed.
©2011, Mr. Pee Wee Ed, The Old Ed Family Historian
(Who Loves ‘Digging Up’ These Fascinating Old Stories)
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Lady Vivian
loves to bitch and moan, it's just a habit that makes him feel better. Maybe I 'll get them together for a barbecue,and a day at the lake!
Be always safe,
Karen
Thanks Dick
Maybe some day I will visit the more historic sections of this grand state.
John
Thank you for digging up this EXPOSE' on my Ancient Cousin 'Sir Wussalot Ed.' As you so aptly described my heritage as a Lord 'BAWLMER', an Estate Owner, and obviously, a Caring Cousin, Twice-Removed - it is now self-evident that Compassion would have been part of my Family's 'Coat-of-Arms.'
This 'Ne'er-do-Well of the Matlack Clan LACKED the commitment to Work at a 'Real' Job, in order to obtain his own Estate, build a Castle, and actually have a Front door MAT! I heard that he onc't slept under a decrepit old wooden boat named the "G. C. MINNOW I" ... the G.C. standing for Gull Crap. Anyways, a Ferocious Female Feline named 'Tiger Lily Two' would oft' kick his sorry Arse out into the Barrens' elements. Being a Big Wuss, he would just 'hang around' hoping she would leave. When she felt sorry for his Gull-Engulfed Plight, she would try to get him inside, calling out loudly: "Here Wussy, Wussy, Wussy!"
On another more recent note, if you stop in any of the numerous Shops within Sea Isle City, you may purchase Statues of various sizes of our Favorite Cuz. They are White in colour, with sundry Specs of Organic 'Stuff' interspersed that are quite Repulsive. Just like the little Gnomes that ward off 'Evil Spirits', the Locals long ago discovered that these "Sir Wussalot" statuettes were very good for keeping Cats from Peeing in their Gardens!
I am currently searching our Family Archives for further notable information on the Matlack Wussalot Clan. more to follow ...
Yours, in Great Respect, "Lord Bawlmer' The Oneth! aka ...
'Sir Cur Reprobate' ... as feloniously dubbed by my JEALOUS Cousin!
Anna
(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Texas, Karen Lynn. :D