I’m stuck,

Well and truly

Stuck.

I’m torn between apathy

And terror,

Uncertain what I want

Or where I want to go,

Certain only in knowing

That death awaits

If I don’t find a way

To get un-stuck.

I have a lifetime

Of self-neglect

And abuse

Behind me,

Years of gluttony

And inactivity

That have played havoc

With my health,

While before me,

Glistening with promise,

Lie days and years

Just waiting

For me to choose

How I will live them.

Today, this moment,

The choice remains,

Shall I continue onward,

Embracing the deadly safety

Of the past?

Or dare I deviate

From this familiar path,

Trusting that what lies ahead

Is infinitely better

Than all I’ve ever known.

Sadly, for me,

It isn’t a choice

So easily made.

It’s hard to trust

In an unfamiliar promise.