A father muses as the eighth anniversary of his son's death nears ...

For Ben’s sake whose life I love(d), may I merit the strength to live life free from bitterness, anger and cynicism. May you Son dwell on high, enough to look down from above the clouds and see us searching the heavens for your shadow.

I became misty in shul this morning.

 Rabbi took hold of the Sefer Torah.

“Kel Mole Rachamim …” It reminded me that Heshvan 24, the Hebrew date of Ben’s death, will this year commemorate the eighth yahrzeit of our beloved Benjamin, Avrum Ben Avrum.

Only two weeks away, eight years ago.

He was only twenty-two.

 His once younger sister is now twenty-eight and my younger son, originally nine years younger than Ben, is now only one year younger than his older brother.

A Poem in Memory of Benjamin Eight Years Ago

Since we bid thee farewell eight years ago,

that bleak morning many tears did shed.

Into cavernous depths we lowered thee …

to souls long before art thou wed.

I want you to know I’ve lived as well …

as best I could … I have tried.

Nary a morn, noon or night has passed
couldn’t ever help myself but cried.

I've felt so bad all these years,

when your days of youth deprived
with sickness that stole so much of your strength
from our well that might otherwise have thrived.

Much like you, what could we do

when alone we left you to lie ...

Living our lives lest we stray

from our faith worn and tried.

It is hard to explain these feelings I have

without you eight years I live.

As each day passes, I can’t but think

My life for yours I wouldst give.

Ben's Dad

11/6/08