Observations of father-son relationships gone awry. I don't know what it is, but lately I’ve noticed that a lot of men try to bond with their sons as if they can relive their lives through the kids. Some boys allow it; most do not. And even those that conform will ultimately harbor resentment towards the father. Maybe the dads don't do it on purpose, but the result is the same-a resentful, angry son who will father the next generation of men. If you want an everlasting connection with your son, first and foremost, find out what interests the child and realize that your young years are over. It's all about your son now. The NFL jersey YOU always wanted is not the best gift if your son likes wrestling. Take the time to bond with him over what HE likes to do. Use those things as a bridge to communication with your son. Don't crush his hopes and dreams with the weight of your regrets or your attempted do-overs. And don't compete with your son like he's a stranger. While healthy competition is good at work, too much between father and son will strain the relationship. Celebrate your son's successes and let him know that his dad is in his corner. No son wants to see his father as the man he always has to bump heads with; he'll get plenty of that from the other testosterone-driven males out in the world. Don't make home a battleground where your son feels he has to constantly prove his manhood by challenging or being challenged by his father. When you do this, you end up with one of two things: a passive, insecure man who avoids criticism and confrontation; or an overbearing, paranoid-aggressive who seeks out confrontation as a means to constantly validate his masculinity. What you want lies somewhere in the middle. For both of your sakes, develop a healthy relationship with your son, not an adversarial one. You’ll appreciate the results: a son who loves, respects and admires his father, but who also learned life’s essential lessons from the most influential man in his life. More importantly, your son will have done this without ending up bitter towards you, authority figures and the rest of the world.
