Detours

My Aspie girl doesn’t know what to dream for her life, or even what she loves.  She’s starting off on some major detour in her life already.  But maybe Aspies dream in a different way.  When I was young, I had so many dreams, so many things I wanted to go towards and I didn’t know which to choose.  Life was one big hopeful dream to me. 

But I live through my heart and she lives in her mind.  Still, intellectual people like her usually have dreams…

She’s just lost.  I’m lost too.

Earlier today I was on my way to the supermarket, and as I turned onto the main road, a car driven by the Mad Hatter pulled up next to me out of nowhere and at full speed almost crashed into me.  I felt some invisible wall of protection between my car and that car, keeping us from colliding.  The first thought that came into my mind at that moment was, “Thank you, God!”  The second was that maybe I shouldn’t be out driving around today because I’m in a pathetic state.  My entire life has been one detour after another.  Partly because of my fire:  I’m too impatient, too emotional, too passionate for my own well being.  But lately I think I’ve imploded.  I feel like I’ve come to a dead end, a full stop and I’m looking around for a detour back, back away from the Mad Hatter.

I understand how my Aspie girl is feeling.  Her dreams aren’t born yet.  When dreams die, life feels like a dead end.  But detours (friends, loved ones, guardian angels) seem to be there to move me away from that.  Now if only I can find that detour back *home*.

~ One may have a blazing hearth in one’s soul and yet no one ever come to sit by it.  Passersby see only a wisp of smoke from the chimney and continue on the way. ~ Vincent van Gogh