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Cynical Suspicion or Sensible Safety? 7/15/2006 1:10:29 PM
Is online dating scary or dangerous? Last week while working at a client's office, one of the employees got a personal call. As it turned out it was from one of his online dating hook ups. As he chose to share the details, it launched us into a discussion about our various adventures and opinions.
I was curious to hear the thoughts and opinions he and others had to share. Of course, because I'm writing this blog and because they are all males. I often find it very interesting to view things from the male perspective. Probably because I am a female and because I am just naturally inquisitive.
So as it went, one of them began detailing his experiences. I was surprised to hear he actually posted an online ad to begin with. I had recalled a few weeks earlier comments he had made about this particular site and his sarcastic and derrogatory opinions of people who posted and/or looked at the site. Yet somehow he was drawn to do it himself.
So he tells us his story. He responds to the person who answered his ad and she meets him at his house. I am shocked to hear he gave out his home address. I am surprised they agreed to meet for dinner. On the drive to the restaurant he tells of rolling down the windows because it is a very warm day. He tells how she immediately rolls hers back up because "she has a phobia of wind!" The story unfolds to reveal she is a "light drug user; ecstasy, cocaine and acid only, but not marijuana because that's the heavy stuff!" He goes on to tell that the hook up just didn't work out because she is a cat lover and he is not as fond of them due to allergies and she reveals "she may not have tried to commit suicide if she had a cat at that time in her life and she just didn't think she could be with someone that didn't love cats!" His second attempt did not prove much better as she talked on and on of her "porn star boyfriend (ex?) and her fear of what he may do with the pictures he has of her!" His conclusion? One ad, two bad dates and he has confirmed his cynical view of online dating!
And then another shares his stories. He has not posted an ad but is responding to women's postings. He hooks up and meets one on Wednesday at a local pub. He says "she was okay." We are talking today about the one he is meeting this evening (Friday). Yes, he gave them both his work phone number! I am again, surprised to hear this. I am also surprised to hear he is meeting this one at the same local pub. He goes on to tell us she says she looks like a cross between "Joan Jett and the Dances with Wolves woman." We were all trying to conjure up the image. We proceed to tease him of gaining a reputation by meeting so many women so frequently at the same place! We inquire whether he is going straight from work, or home to spruce up, and even threatened to follow him and watch from the distance! He seems to have a more positive opinion about meeting people online, at least so far. I did notice and comment on how excited he was to be meeting someone new. I can't wait to go in next week and see what happened!
In listening to these stories, what I note is my own precautionary advice. I have, on more than one occasion, had people ask me if I think meeting people this way is scary or dangerous. I have to admit, perhaps both could come to mind. However, I personally have not met anyone I found to be scary or dangerous. And yet, I do not give them my home address nor my work number. I do not meet for dinner the first time. I always think daytime, coffee, very public. I consider this being smart and safe. I always arrive first and leave last to avoid revealing my car and/or license plate.
I think meeting people online is fun. And I think one should take care to avoid potentially dangerous or embarassing situations. Overall I am not cynical about it but I do believe in being sensibly safe. So get out and meet people but do not tell a stranger where you live and work. There is plenty of time for that once you get to know them better and in the cases where it doesn't work out to meet again, they don't need to know these things.
That's it for this week ~ until next time,
~~Good Luck!!
