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To whom it may concern...you know who you are 10/27/2005 10:34:37 AM
I hate the way I felt with you. I felt like I was constantly being judged in your eyes.
I gave everything I had to make it work when I really did not have to but I was willing to go outside of myself to give you what you didn't deserve.
I offered everything I have and I was constantly rejected by you because of your preconceived notions of what you think love is about.
I have never bought a man's love and I don't plan to start now. I shared because that was what my heart told me to do. I shared because I felt that it was what you needed. I wanted you to be free of the demons that were engulfing your heart and spirit. Instead you injected that darkness into my life and left me feeling less than.
Had it not been for my dear friend who looked at me with love and respect, who made me feel worthy of being loved and treated special, I would fully bought into your lies that I am unworthy, unwanted and undeserving of love.
No man should ever make a woman feel the way you made tried to make me feel. I gave love and you treated me like garbage and that is what hurts the most because I know I didn't deserve to be treated the way I was treated by you. I have never had to give so much in a relationship, yet no matter how much I gave it wasn't enough for you.
I later came to realize it was entirely your issue that you felt the need to complete destroy every shred of self-esteem and self-worth I had. No man has ever said the things that you said to me which goes to show that you really didn't know me and you had no interest in knowing.
Your primary goal seemed to be to use me until I couldn't be used anymore and leave me empty and destroyed. You didn't count on there being an angel standing in my corner countering all the negativity you fed into me.
I believed in you and I loved you more than you loved yourself and that was the mistake I made...I thought that what I had to offer was enough to wipe away everything that had happened in your past. I thought I could help you move forward...that I could offer you an hand to get where you wanted to be. Where I felt you deserved to be. You didn't give me the same respect and that needs to sit in your spirit every hour of every day. You create your own karma.
I wanted nothing but happiness and success for you.
You wanted nothing but to destroy me. You wanted to make me into your victim in order for you to feel powerful but I can't carry the weight that the role requires. I am freeing myself of your hold. I am cutting you loose and you can make as many crank calls as you like but at some point you need to grow up and accept responsibility for your own life.
We have all been hurt by someone. We heal and move forward. You seem to have a problem doing that and you refuse to get help with your issues. You seem to think you are getting better but hurting others along the way is not getting better...that is leaving more pain in your wake.
I am angry with you but more than that I feel sorry for you because you are consumed with being a perpetual victim. You point the finger at others while refusing to look inside yourself to see where you have contributed to your own unhappiness.
You have a lot of internal work to do and I wish you the best because I know you will be an incredible person once you have dealt with the pain that is torturing you and destroying your future.
