|
Blogs by Dorien Grey
"Mine Enemy Grows Older"
5/19/2014 2:17:02 AM
It’s not often one gets to make reference to raconteur Alexander King, Walt Kelly’s Pogo, and Dorothy Parker in the same sentence, but I’ve managed. The title of this particular blog is taken from King’s 1958 book of his personal observations on aging. That I and so many others appear to look upon aging as continuing battle brings me, of course, to Walt Kelley’s marvelous comic strip character’s astute observation that “We have met the enemy, and he is us.” Which, in turn, sparked the memory of a classic exchange in the long-running feud between the inimitable Dorothy Parker and socialite Clare Both Luce. At one point, a friend said to Dorothy, about Clare “But you know, Dorothy, Clare is her own worst enemy,” to which Dorothy replied, “Not as long as I’m alive, she’s not.” Scotch-tape the references together, and you have the story of my life.
I am and have always been my own worst enemy, my bitterness against aging and against myself easily rivaling the enmity between Parker and Luce. It stems from the fact that, all evidence to the contrary, I am a perfectionist. I can and do accept flaws in others that I cannot and will not tolerate in myself. Actually, it is a particularly perverse form of hubris. A great part of me has never matured beyond the child’s assumption that he is all-powerful, and that everything that happens in the world is somehow related to him.
As a result, I am incredibly easily frustrated when something—anything—does not go as I think it should. And when that something directly involves me, frustration often quickly spirals totally out of control, sending me into a self-directed rage.
Though I’m not a psychiatrist, I would suspect that masochism, the self-infliction of pain, has a mental component, and I fully if regrettably see that quality all too clearly in myself. I am constantly measuring myself against others and falling far short.
Regrets are a part of the human condition; we all have them, and they cause us a great deal of suppressed sadness and pain. But for the mental masochists among us, the emotional scabs which inevitably form over the incident are constantly being picked at and reopened.
I can clearly recall embarrassments and shames experienced from childhood and throughout life, and they often for no reason I can determine suddenly pop into my head. I can also recall too clearly the pains I have caused others; the things I should have done that I did not do; the careless and thoughtless things I would give anything to change. And, of course, these flaws build up over time like the individual snowflakes in a life-long snowstorm. The older I get, the more oppressive they seem.
So why, exactly, do I insist on dragging out all the skeletons in my closet and frantically waving my dirty laundry in front of you? Perhaps as a part of the mental masochism thing, but I would prefer (I am also very good at self-delusion) to believe it is because, once again, I do not think I am the only human to have this problem. There are many things in life which, though common-to-universal are, like certain bodily functions, considered too private and personal to talk about. So I like to think I do it to assure others who feel the same way that they aren’t alone. It may simply be yet another form of self delusion but, hey, I’ll take it.
*****
You're cordially invited to visit my website (http://www.doriengrey.com) and "friend" me on Facebook and/or Google+. And, if you enjoy these blogs, you might want to check out "Short Circuits: a Life in Blogs in either e-book (http:b//bit.ly/m8CSO1 ) or audiobook "(http://www.audible.com/pd/ref=sr_1_1?asin=B00DJAJYCS&qid=1377518073&sr=1-1) .
Post a Comment
More Blogs by Dorien Grey
• The Case Against Acorns - Thursday, October 29, 2015
• On Growing Up Gay - Thursday, October 22, 2015
• Damned if you do, damned if... - Monday, October 19, 2015
• When I was Who I was - Thursday, October 15, 2015
• We Humans - Monday, October 12, 2015
• "Dear Dugbate:" - Thursday, October 8, 2015
• Who? What? When? Where? Why? How - Monday, October 5, 2015
• Friends and Lovers - Thursday, October 1, 2015
• Friends and Lovers - Thursday, October 1, 2015
• Friends and Lovers - Thursday, October 1, 2015
• Here Lies Common Sense - Monday, September 28, 2015
• Getting It - Thursday, September 24, 2015
• "How 'ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm,....?" - Monday, September 21, 2015
• E Unim Pluribus - Monday, September 14, 2015
• The Doll House - Thursday, September 10, 2015
• "Pay Attention!" - Monday, September 7, 2015
• Shells - Thursday, September 3, 2015
• A Letter From My Father - Monday, August 31, 2015
• Philosophies - Thursday, August 27, 2015
• The Child Within - Monday, August 24, 2015
• "Let's Pretend!" - Monday, August 17, 2015
• The Circles of "We" - Thursday, August 13, 2015
• Loves Park - Monday, August 10, 2015
• The Forest and the Trees - Thursday, August 6, 2015
• Let Me Count the Ways - Monday, August 3, 2015
• Perchance to Dream - Thursday, July 30, 2015
• Moods - Monday, July 27, 2015
• Sharing Dreams - Thursday, July 23, 2015
• The Diamond Lady - Monday, July 20, 2015
• Remembering - Thursday, July 16, 2015
• Flashbacks - Monday, July 13, 2015
• Dear Lord, But You're Dumb! - Thursday, July 9, 2015
• Ask Not - Monday, July 6, 2015
• Hey, Rube! - Thursday, July 2, 2015
• Hidden Costs? - Monday, June 29, 2015
• Greed - Thursday, June 25, 2015
• "i" before "e" - Monday, June 22, 2015
• Letting Go - Thursday, June 18, 2015
• Acceptance - Monday, June 15, 2015
• Delusion - Thursday, June 11, 2015
• Communication - Monday, June 8, 2015
• Goldilocks - Thursday, June 4, 2015
• Do Not Go Gentle.... - Monday, June 1, 2015
• Bees & Flowers, Progeny & Words - Thursday, May 28, 2015
• "What if..." - Monday, May 25, 2015
• The Chaos Kid - Wednesday, May 20, 2015
• The Endless Loop - Monday, May 18, 2015
• The Tinfoil Hat - Thursday, May 14, 2015
• The Losing Battle - Monday, May 11, 2015
• When Then Was Now - Thursday, May 7, 2015
• The Price - Monday, May 4, 2015
• Goulash - Thursday, April 30, 2015
• Obsession - Monday, April 27, 2015
• Over the Rainbow - Thursday, April 23, 2015
• The Past-Clinger - Monday, April 20, 2015
• Tar Bubbles - Thursday, April 16, 2015
• Remembering Fairdale - Monday, April 13, 2015
• Custodial - Thursday, April 9, 2015
• Odd Man Out - Monday, April 6, 2015
• Lives - Thursday, April 2, 2015
• The Boggling of the Mind - Monday, March 30, 2015
• "He Had a Hat!" - Thursday, March 26, 2015
• Marshmallow Man - Monday, March 23, 2015
• Chance, Coincidence, and Incredible Odds - Thursday, March 19, 2015
• Spam and "Jabberwocky" - Monday, March 16, 2015
• Except After "C" - Thursday, March 12, 2015
• "That Which I Should Have Done..." - Monday, March 9, 2015
• "They," "Them," and Me - Thursday, March 5, 2015
• The Fine Line - Monday, March 2, 2015
• "This, too...." - Thursday, February 26, 2015
• Idiots - Monday, February 23, 2015
• Weather or Not - Thursday, February 19, 2015
• Envy - Monday, February 16, 2015
• Grand Delusions - Monday, February 9, 2015
• Waste Not, Want Not - Thursday, February 5, 2015
• "Pretty" - Thursday, January 29, 2015
• Observing - Monday, January 26, 2015
• Lip Service - Thursday, January 22, 2015
• Seriously? - Monday, January 19, 2015
• You, Me, and Snowflakes - Thursday, January 15, 2015
• Boogeyman - Monday, January 12, 2015
• "You're Nothing!" - Thursday, January 8, 2015
• Egotism vs Egoism - Monday, January 5, 2015
• Small Flaws - Monday, December 29, 2014
• A Matter of Distance - Thursday, December 18, 2014
• Cliffhangers - Monday, December 15, 2014
• Logic and Fun - Thursday, December 11, 2014
• "I Hear the Mermen Singing...." - Monday, December 8, 2014
• Mantras and Acorns - Thursday, December 4, 2014
• The Doll House - Monday, December 1, 2014
• Thanotophobia - Thursday, November 27, 2014
• Moments and Times - Monday, November 24, 2014
• Rules to Live Buy - Thursday, November 20, 2014
• Stranger in a Strange Land - Monday, November 17, 2014
• The Learning Curve - Thursday, November 13, 2014
• Cassandra and Me - Monday, November 10, 2014
• Remembering the Future - Thursday, November 6, 2014
• Beyond Understanding - Monday, November 3, 2014
• Commercially Speaking - Thursday, October 30, 2014
• Little Boxes - Monday, October 27, 2014
• Ursula's World - Thursday, October 23, 2014
• When "Then" Was "Now" - Monday, October 20, 2014
• The Bouncing Ball - Thursday, October 16, 2014
• The Sound of Laughter - Monday, October 13, 2014
• Ah, If Ye Only Knew.... - Thursday, October 9, 2014
• Hourglass - Monday, October 6, 2014
• The Gourmet Chef - Thursday, October 2, 2014
• Of a Certain Age - Monday, September 29, 2014
• Once Upon a Town - Monday, September 22, 2014
• The Illusionist - Thursday, September 18, 2014
• Words as Food - Monday, September 15, 2014
• The King of Romania - Thursday, September 11, 2014
• Comparisons - Monday, September 8, 2014
• Ladies and Gentlemen - Thursday, September 4, 2014
• The Delusionist - Monday, September 1, 2014
• Running - Thursday, August 7, 2014
• "It was the best of times, ...." - Monday, August 4, 2014
• A Conversation with My Muse - Thursday, July 31, 2014
• Mr. In-Betweem - Monday, July 28, 2014
• On Memories - Thursday, July 24, 2014
• America's Voice - Monday, July 21, 2014
• "One Ringy-Dingy" - Thursday, July 17, 2014
• Thomas - Monday, July 14, 2014
• On Meeting Myself - Thursday, July 10, 2014
• Frustration - Monday, July 7, 2014
• The Broken Compass - Thursday, July 3, 2014
• Pondering the Imponderable - Monday, June 30, 2014
• Of Time and Blogs - Thursday, June 26, 2014
• "I Sing the Body Electric!" - Monday, June 23, 2014
• Slleep - Thursday, June 19, 2014
• Technology and Me - Monday, June 16, 2014
• Sing Me a Song - Thursday, June 12, 2014
• Lies - Monday, June 9, 2014
• Spare me! - Thursday, June 5, 2014
• Words Spoken, Words Written - Monday, June 2, 2014
• Name Dropping - Monday, May 26, 2014
• "Mine Enemy Grows Older" - Monday, May 19, 2014
• "Under God" - Monday, May 12, 2014
• Where There's a Will.... - Monday, May 5, 2014
• Logic Redux - Monday, April 28, 2014
• Understanding - Monday, April 21, 2014
• Writers and Readers - Monday, April 14, 2014
• Crapshoot - Monday, April 7, 2014
• Ingrate - Monday, March 31, 2014
• If - Monday, March 24, 2014
• My Father's Sun - Monday, March 17, 2014
• Little Boy Lost - Monday, March 10, 2014
• On Thinking - Monday, March 3, 2014
• Simple Rules - Monday, February 24, 2014
• A Book's Tale - Monday, February 17, 2014
• Compared to What? - Monday, February 10, 2014
• A Bologna Sandwich - Monday, February 3, 2014
• Delusions - Monday, January 27, 2014
• Silly - Monday, January 20, 2014
• Imprints - Monday, January 13, 2014
• If at first.... - Monday, January 6, 2014
• To Quote Popeye,... - Monday, December 30, 2013
• Once Upon a Co-Op - Monday, December 23, 2013
• "The Normal Heart" - Monday, December 16, 2013
• On Colds - Thursday, December 12, 2013
• On Being 80 - Monday, December 9, 2013
• Logic - Monday, December 2, 2013
• The Dictionary Schizophrenic - Monday, November 25, 2013
• Teeter-Totter - Monday, November 18, 2013
• I, Philistine - Monday, November 11, 2013
• The Haunted Mouse - Monday, November 4, 2013
• I Do Not Go Gentle... - Monday, October 28, 2013
• Hype - Monday, October 21, 2013
• Time Travel and Jim Crow - Monday, October 14, 2013
• The Herd - Monday, October 7, 2013
• "I," "Me," and "Everybody Else" - Monday, September 30, 2013
• That Which I Should Have Done, ... - Monday, September 23, 2013
• A Ticket to Ride - Monday, September 16, 2013
• Words Written, Words Heard - Monday, September 9, 2013
• The Kindness of Strangers - Monday, September 2, 2013
• "Oink" - Monday, August 26, 2013
• Old Bones - Monday, August 19, 2013
• Life on Banana Peels - Monday, August 12, 2013
• Priorities - Thursday, August 8, 2013
• Pitons - Monday, August 5, 2013
• Neutral - Monday, June 24, 2013
• Plannin' - Monday, June 17, 2013
• The Spider's Belch - Monday, June 10, 2013
• Ya' Know What I'm Sayin'? - Monday, June 3, 2013
• Antsy - Monday, May 27, 2013
• You and Me - Monday, May 20, 2013
• Hope, Love, and We - Monday, April 29, 2013
• Pureed Thoughts - Monday, April 22, 2013
• The Willing Eunuch - Monday, April 15, 2013
• "If" Past, "If" Future - Monday, April 8, 2013
• Habits, Routines, and Ruts - Monday, April 1, 2013
• Mind vs. Body - Tuesday, March 26, 2013
• Rejection - Monday, March 18, 2013
• A Box of Days - Monday, March 11, 2013
• Instructions - Monday, March 4, 2013
• Ya Know? - Monday, February 25, 2013
• Logic, Oh Logic! - Monday, February 18, 2013
• North - Monday, February 11, 2013
• Domesticity, Yet Again - Monday, February 4, 2013
• The Christmas Party - Monday, December 24, 2012
• "De Profundis" - Monday, December 17, 2012
• Squiggles and Strokes - Monday, December 10, 2012
• Validation - Monday, December 3, 2012
• Wastebaskets and Life - Monday, November 19, 2012
• Once Upon a Time in the Navy - Monday, November 12, 2012
• Love - Tuesday, October 23, 2012
• Russ - Monday, October 1, 2012
• Torquemada'll Get You... - Monday, September 10, 2012
• King Canute - Monday, September 3, 2012
• Oh, the Nobility! - Monday, August 27, 2012
• A Pile of Rocks - Monday, August 6, 2012
• The Doctor is In - Monday, June 25, 2012
• Splits - Tuesday, June 19, 2012
• Softie - Monday, May 28, 2012
• Time Was - Monday, May 21, 2012
• Oh, the Nobility!! - Monday, May 7, 2012
• The Demons Within - Monday, April 30, 2012
• At the Movies - Monday, April 16, 2012
• I Believe... - Monday, April 9, 2012
• Bubbly Creek - Monday, March 26, 2012
• Who IS That Man? - Monday, March 19, 2012
• Dangling Wires - Monday, March 5, 2012
• Trains - Monday, February 27, 2012
• Songs - Monday, February 20, 2012
• Love - Monday, February 6, 2012
• Mind Boggling - Monday, January 30, 2012
• Omaha - Tuesday, January 24, 2012
• The Doctor is In - Monday, January 9, 2012
• Laughter - Tuesday, December 27, 2011
• A Job From Hell - Monday, December 5, 2011
• Ophelia - Monday, November 14, 2011
• Acknowledgement, Acceptance, and Compulsion - Monday, October 31, 2011
• Homes - Monday, October 24, 2011
• Tar Bubbles - Monday, October 17, 2011
• Different Worlds - Monday, October 10, 2011
• Missed Boats - Monday, September 26, 2011
• Little Things - Monday, September 19, 2011
• Shiva - Monday, September 12, 2011
• One Plus One Equals...?? - Monday, September 5, 2011
• Matchmaker, Matchmaker - Monday, August 29, 2011
• Journey's End - Monday, August 22, 2011
• Last Day in Rome - Monday, August 15, 2011
• Wandering through Rome - Monday, August 8, 2011
• A Stroll Through the Forum - Monday, August 1, 2011
• All Railroads Lead to Rome - Monday, July 25, 2011
• Climbing Vesuvius - Monday, July 18, 2011
• Sorrento Notes - Monday, July 11, 2011
• The Pompeiians - Monday, July 4, 2011
• And On to Florence - Monday, June 20, 2011
• The Train to Italy - Monday, June 13, 2011
• Life in Paris - Monday, May 30, 2011
• Progress Report - Monday, May 23, 2011
• Bienvenue a Paris - Monday, May 16, 2011
• A Klutz in London - Monday, May 9, 2011
• To London, To London! - Monday, May 2, 2011
• Moments - Monday, April 25, 2011
• The Likes o' Me - Monday, March 7, 2011
• Movies - Monday, February 21, 2011
• "As ithers see us" - Monday, February 14, 2011
• Kittens and Puppies - Monday, February 7, 2011
• Jobs from Heck - Monday, January 31, 2011
• The Boggled Mind - Monday, January 24, 2011
• Kids' Play - Monday, January 10, 2011
• Ozymandius - Monday, January 3, 2011
• Ponderings - Monday, December 27, 2010
• Laughter - Monday, December 20, 2010
• On Impatience - Monday, December 13, 2010
• Speaking in Tongues - Monday, December 6, 2010
• Idiots - Monday, November 29, 2010
• Losin' It - Monday, November 22, 2010
• Trains - Monday, November 15, 2010
• On Being Strange - Monday, November 8, 2010
• Cracks in the Mirror - Monday, November 1, 2010
• Because - Monday, October 25, 2010
• Strike Up the Band - Monday, October 18, 2010
• Embarrassment - Monday, October 11, 2010
• As Ithers See Us - Monday, October 4, 2010
• The Way of the World - Monday, September 27, 2010
• Generations - Monday, September 20, 2010
• Letting Go - Monday, September 13, 2010
• K’nesheeshawna by Any Other Name - Monday, September 6, 2010
• Unforgiving - Monday, August 30, 2010
• For We Are a Simple People - Monday, August 23, 2010
• Seven out of Seven - Monday, August 16, 2010
• It is to Weep - Monday, August 9, 2010
• Reality and Perception - Monday, August 2, 2010
• Memory Games - Monday, July 26, 2010
• Mind and Body - Monday, July 19, 2010
• The Captain and the Ship - Monday, July 12, 2010
• Logic and the Lack Thereof - Monday, July 5, 2010
• Normal - Monday, June 28, 2010
• You Is or You Ain't - Monday, June 21, 2010
• The King of Klutz - Monday, June 14, 2010
• You & Me...& Everybody Else - Monday, June 7, 2010
• 3,993 Sundays - Monday, May 31, 2010
• Tears of Joy - Monday, May 24, 2010
• Pond Scum - Monday, May 17, 2010
• A Day at the Movies - Monday, May 10, 2010
• L'etat, C'est Moi! - Monday, May 3, 2010
• We Three - Monday, April 26, 2010
|
|
|
