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Blogs by Joseph W. Montaperto
WHERE ARE MY BUTTER PEOPLE? 1/7/2020 7:21:01 PM
A funny but poignant catering tale "Where are my butter people?! Where are my butter people?!'
The hysterical screeching of Rennie, the frantic, high-strung catering captain for this event, echoes through the hall, and inside my head. Shooting painfully up my spine. I'm sitting on a toilet stall in the antiseptic men's room of The Museum Of Natural History in New York. I am not taking a dump, but, in fact, still have my tuxedo pants on. Indeed, I am fully dressed in my tuxedo and bow tie, my head in my hands. In full despair mode - trying to make sense of the whole thing. The shrieks continue until I can feel the heart palpitations throbbing in the temples of my forehead.
I come to the realization that there is NO escape. Is THIS what it has all come down to? God...
I am a butter person.
What EXACTLY is a butter person?
A long and torturous tale...but if you must. A butter person is one of the divisions of labor when you are setting up a table for a large event. Each of the waiters are assigned to different teams, which go about a different chore. One team sets down the knives, the other the forks, the other the spoons...and so on.
FINALLY, there are the 'butter people'. The dreaded butter job. People often flee from this endeavor, attempting to discover even more imaginative hiding places. But alas - it is a lesson in futility. There is no permanent escape. The pristine balls of butter MUST be placed on the bread n' butter plates - heretofore to be known as B&B plates. They MUST be placed correctly - and they WILL!
Sooner or later, the rogue waiters would be rounded up, much like the way the gorillas on horseback rounded up the wild humans in the field with a huge net, in the original 'Planet Of The Apes' movie. Brought to justice, so to speak.
The same dead look in their eyes. The same calcified manner in which they go about their chores. Especially this PARTICULAR catering company (Exotic Cuisine) which I refer to as "the place where old caterers go to die." My eyes mist up. Is this my future? Is this what it has all come down to
